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im confused

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the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#1
i dont really understand myself anymore, i dont know how i can be happy and having an amazing night one moment then the next moment i feel completely empty on the inside with nothing anyone can do. i dont know how to make sense of it. its times like now where i dont see the point in going on. it make it worse, all my grades in school are dropping which is causing my parents to go crazy and yell and bitch to me for hours on end which just cause the grades to fall even more and sometimes even the cutting to come back, i really wish i could run away with my one and only friend and get out of this hellish cycle even if it is just for a week or two. but i know that will never happen because as soon as i get home my parents would just start it back up. im sorry if this is too lengthy or confusing
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#2
I despise those unexplained mood changes too, Andrew. Do your parents know about how you feel? My parents used to bitch at me too about my grades early on when I was in middle school and high school. Asking for help really kept them off my back. Oh, and don't worry about your post. I don't think it's too lengthy or confusing.

P.S. Just wondering, are your friends worried about you? I hope you have a friend you can confide in and trust.
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#3
my parents i think have an idea, some how a page from this website printed but i just told them that i was fine and snooping around on the internet. i try to ignore them nnow as much as possible. and the worst part is that this new policy with them is any grade lower than an A means i can only hang out with someone one day out of the week and i can only leave the one other time. which sucks because my best friend is the only one who can make me happy and she goes to a different school so i can only see her occasionally
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#4
i have my one friend i can trust but i stopped telling her about when i cut and such because i feel like it upsets her too much, its kinda alot to handle
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#5
Wow. Not sure what my parents would think if a page of this site printed. They would eventually understand, hopefully. I'm not sure that taking privileges away from you to motivate you is something that will help when you're feeling suicidal/depressed etc. One time seems a bit much too.. as you need all the support you can get in these times. The yelling and bitching is really unnecessary IMHO, but hey I'm not a parent and I'm not them so I can't really speak on behalf of anyone. I guess I'm not supposed to judge, but what I'm trying to say is I disagree with how they choose to parent. But I can relate with what you are going through. I used to get yelled at too for my grades, etc.

Does this friend you trust have problems with depression etc. in the past? Do you think she can relate to you well?
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#6
not that i know of, ive known her for ever and ive never noticed anything, but again i guess you never know. but she can relate well which is always nice
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#9
Do you have a phone or texting plan that you can use? And umm is your computer usage time monitored? Like maybe I was thinking you can use social networking sites to reach her more often and easily.
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#10
i have the phone and cpu..but those are both things that are usually taken away due to well anything even if i just look at them funny so i usually just lay in bed in watch my fish swim around
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#11
Well, blimey! =[

What do you think your parents would do if they found out how you're feeling? Do you think there are any benefits to be reaped from telling them? I don't know whether you think they care for you a lot. Seems like they want you to make good grades, which can be a positive thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is I was wondering what you think of your parents.. like whether they are "good" people.
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#12
they are "good" people around other people, they turn into theese angels if people come over but as soon as they leave they are the devil again and i hate it, but you cant choose your parents, my dad did tell me once that lying about being depressed isnt a good way to make friends so i doubt they would care
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#13
I understand exactly what you mean. It's like someone is coming over, and the hosts act like angels and completely unlike how they usually act. I get it. I used to ask my parents why they acted like that in situations where there were guests. In the past, one of my parents used to be that way... Nice to others but a devil at home. She later went on to say that she had a worse temper during those years having all of us kids in the house.. attributing it to stress etc. But who knows.. I don't know. Maybe your parents can change. I had a really hard time with one of my parents too... got yelled at, all that. I can understand that really well.

I started telling them "I think you're being rude, please treat me with respect" etc. at one point... "Please respect my opinion, that's all I ask" and walking out. They would be like "How can you speak to a parent like that??"

My parents have changed a lot since then. It's like over the years they've become much less strict. Anyways, enough of my "life story."

Can you ask them to let you speak to a psychologist? Maybe was thinking you could speak to a school counselor or something. I really feel for you and your situation. I felt hopeless in high school at times, although I didn't know what depression, etc. were.
 

the_only_one

Well-Known Member
#14
the counsolers dont help because they are always like im here to help you but if i feel like your gonna harm yourself or other then i have to bring your parents and the police into it so then again i lie to get out of the situation
 
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