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I'm considered a very bad person.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by seekinghope, Mar 27, 2011.

  1. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    Every wants to have a romantic relationship, and I'm no exception. People tend to seek relationships from people who they are attracted to, and with similar backgrounds. I feel that I am expected to be an exception to this rule.
    When you are a man, you have to make the first move. I don't "hit" on women really overweight women or women with kids, so I am a "jerk." I diet and exercise and am in really good shape, and I just am not attracted to really overweight women, so I'm a jerk.
    I'm a virgin. I know I'm never going to find a women who "waited" for me, like I did for them, and I have come to terms with this. But I am not really eager to take care of another man's child.
    If I did pursue overweight women or women with kids, then I'd really be considered a jerk. Fact is, very few men do pursue those women, so if I pursued them, I'd just be taking advantage of that fact, hoping that they are desperate enough to answer me.
    I realize that many overweight women and single mothers are great people. And it's not like I totally snub them. I have answered messages on online dating sites from some obese women, and I started to develop a friendship with a single mother in college. But none of this went anywhere.
    Am I supposed to change what I am attracted to? Is this possible? If I tried to be attracted women that are unpopular with men, would that be right? Wouldn't I just be taking advantage of the fact that they are willing to "settle" for me. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, and the rock is starting to crush me.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    You do what feels right for you.
    However, how about seeing women as actual people and not potential dates?
    Maybe making some female friends will give you a new perspective on the whole thing.
    I had many male friends when I was a teenager, some I dated, some I didn't, but I do know having them as friends made me realise they had all the same shit going on in their heads that us women have going on in ours.
    Meanwhile, why should you date someone you're not interested in?
  3. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're a jerk, nothing wrong with waiting for Mrs. Right though the problem is there may not be one, probably for most of us. Just because you have certain women you prefer is fine, may limit you in the amount of women you meet but we all have our likes/dislikes, nothing wrong with that, if other people don't like you because of that, well, too bad for them, least you're not being some PC person which is the worst. Actually, why don't you give us some more details, how old you are, do you work, etc, maybe we could be of more help to you or others in the same boat. I say don't change the person you are, none of us should, just not as many options when you have certain, get back to us though. Also, I tend to also have the same preferences as you, though the older you get the harder they are to find.:grr:
  4. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    That's actually what I'd rather do. I am of the old school "friends first" philosophy, not trying to jump into something romantic as quick as I can. I don't go to bars with an Abercrombie ensemble and a list of pickup lines. Fact is if I really wanted to just "get laid", I could, but that's a subject for another thread. Fact is, making friends is not my forté: I really don't have male friends either.
    If I had a few female friends, I wouldn't be so frustrated and angry. I actually have a hard time empathizing with the common "all the women I meet just want to be friends" complaint. I hear that and think: "What I wouldn't give....."
  5. seekinghope

    seekinghope Member

    Yeah, I'd long ago realized the myth of Hollywood style "True love", and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to be "The One" for someone. Instead of "The One", most of us end up being "The One That Worked Out", or "The One That I Settled for Because I Don't Want to Die Alone." Sure, it's better to be the second spouse than the first Ex, and you could potentially have a great relationship, but it's not exactly what we dream of.

    I'm thirty, I do have a job, and I live on my own. The biggest things that might weaken my potential as a friend/mate in the eyes of others are: 1. I don't drink 2. I'm not religious 3. I'm a vegetarian. The only one of these that I would require from a mate is #2. I will never be religious, a religious person should be with someone thing that can share such an important aspect of their lives.
    I can certainly empathize with that last statement you made. It really feels like your up against the clock sometimes.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Having preferences doesn't make you a bad person. We all have things that attract us more than others. For me, it's height; I don't know why, but I'm always attracted to guys taller than me. Everyone's different, and sometimes whatever your preference is, might mean it takes longer to find that right person. But that doesn't mean you should settle for someone you aren't attracted to.