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I'm cursed!!!

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sudut

Well-Known Member
#22
i have read some of the posts with interest and i know we all probably think we're different and no-one understands us...but im sure no-one understands me...because I'm simply CURSED...I've never EVER had good luck...everything goes wrong for me and everytime I think it can't get worse, it does! for instance losing my job would be bad enough but what happens to Gra? (thats me obv)...i lose my own business n job, the girl i love with all my heart and was going to ask to marry me the next week (she left me) 2 relatives and was made bankrupt...now at 24 i have nothing and every day since Kate has left me all I have thought about was her...we talk...and she doesnt want me...she said she wanted out more or less the day after we split...im suicidal and the only person who can save me is kate...she IS the one...we were made to be...and the only reason we aint back together is she gave up trying and another bloke moved in for the kill and she's now with him...I'm ugly and i lost a lot of my hair when i was 18 and its STILL falling out now...now in the last week its going white and i just wanna die...people TELL me I'm ugly and i know i am...no1 likes me...even a slag i know doesnt wanna get with me...and she has got with everyone else i know! Im a hermit and no-one even notices me...a few months back i stayed in the house for two weeks without going out ONCE and no-one even noticed or said anything! i am a bit stalker-ish with ex gf's and i can sense i'm now starting that with kate...i love her to bits and i don't wanna hurt her anymore...she's told me she's in a state worrying about me and i just want toend it all...my family would be richer without me, Kate wouldnt be scared and everyone would have less hassle...im also a jobless bum, so the state would benefit too...dunno why im posting this...just wanted to rant...
i am in no RUSH to die...i dont really care...im dead inside and have been for several months now...i just want to end it sometime soon but am afraid id fuck that up too! so thats why im in no rush...but i DO want to die:( life with kate is unbearable and literally SEVERAL times a day and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for 9 or so months i lie awake thinking about her:(

most of us have been in your situation. sorry. and you are right, we learn and grow from these challenges. i wouldn't worry about something i don't have control over. Also, can you be really sure that no one likes you just because of several past experiences? never judge. just get out there and you will be surprised how big this world is and how different every other person is. you have nothing to lose but your past. go out and search for new experiences like an explorer. life isn't perfect. save your self alot of heartache by admitting this fact b4 anything. good luck. p.s you are not cursed. its an life and we grow from that. .
 
#23
well no offence but i found some of those posts hard to read...maybe because you;re from other countries etc. but i AM cursed....and now i cant get a job, im poor,my hairs falling out and im stuck at home with my parents and have no friends or anyone who likes me...i have NOTHING to live for
 

Jodi

Staff Alumni
#24
galee74,

Im sorry your feeling so depressed and worthless. I know when your feeling this way its hard to find meaning in life and reasons to go on, but you need to know that your life is worthy and your worthy and that your life matters. You wont be with your parents forever, nothing is forever, you'll eventually find a job, and as far as your hair falling out, can you go to your doc to find out what might be going on, could it be stress?.....I just want you to know that I understand what your feeling and that I validate your feelings and its ok to feel that way, but please know that you are important and special and worthy....please take good care of yourself and lean on us as much as you need to, were here for you....-Jodi
 
#25
thanks but i feel worthless i only feel like im living from day to day until one day ill get bored or so depressed that ill just top myself...the only thing ive ever truly liked in life was kate...i hate living it just sucks! i knwo that sounds babyish but its the way i feel...every night i hate going to sleep alone so much that its driving me insane:( (as for the hair its genetic...our family starts losing it at 18ish and theres nowt that can be done unless we win the lottery and can afford hair transplants lol)
 

TG123

Well-Known Member
#26
i have read some of the posts with interest and i know we all probably think we're different and no-one understands us...but im sure no-one understands me...because I'm simply CURSED...I've never EVER had good luck...everything goes wrong for me and everytime I think it can't get worse, it does! for instance losing my job would be bad enough but what happens to Gra? (thats me obv)...i lose my own business n job, the girl i love with all my heart and was going to ask to marry me the next week (she left me) 2 relatives and was made bankrupt...now at 24 i have nothing and every day since Kate has left me all I have thought about was her...we talk...and she doesnt want me...she said she wanted out more or less the day after we split...im suicidal and the only person who can save me is kate...she IS the one...we were made to be...and the only reason we aint back together is she gave up trying and another bloke moved in for the kill and she's now with him...I'm ugly and i lost a lot of my hair when i was 18 and its STILL falling out now...now in the last week its going white and i just wanna die...people TELL me I'm ugly and i know i am...no1 likes me...even a slag i know doesnt wanna get with me...and she has got with everyone else i know! Im a hermit and no-one even notices me...a few months back i stayed in the house for two weeks without going out ONCE and no-one even noticed or said anything! i am a bit stalker-ish with ex gf's and i can sense i'm now starting that with kate...i love her to bits and i don't wanna hurt her anymore...she's told me she's in a state worrying about me and i just want toend it all...my family would be richer without me, Kate wouldnt be scared and everyone would have less hassle...im also a jobless bum, so the state would benefit too...dunno why im posting this...just wanted to rant...
i am in no RUSH to die...i dont really care...im dead inside and have been for several months now...i just want to end it sometime soon but am afraid id fuck that up too! so thats why im in no rush...but i DO want to die:( life with kate is unbearable and literally SEVERAL times a day and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for 9 or so months i lie awake thinking about her:(
As hard as this may sound, I think you should do all that is possible to let go of her. I had a good friend and it was similar to this, I felt strongly about her and it wasn't mutual. When she made this clear to me and stopped talking to me whatsoever, I almost collapsed. It was bad, I also didn't want to live anymore, didn't want to feel anymore, thought about suicide, tried once. I hated myself, I despised myself. I didn't have many people to talk to, and I know what it's like to be ignored and alone.

I am sorry if this offends you but I feel I need to tell you- even if you feel you are alone and that no one can help you, Someone can. God loves you so much that He sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for you. He created you in His likeness and in His image. He wants to help you carry these terrible burdens that are on you. He wants you to spend eternity with Him in Heaven.
Please. If you haven't done so already put your faith in Him and ask Him to help you with this. He loves you and you are precious to Him.

You are not a loser. You are a person created in God's likeness and image. You deserve dignity and respect and love.

My feelings of intense grief and loss for my friend and my self-hatred and grief are gone, but this really happened when I fell to my knees and asked Him to take away this pain, that I could not carry it anymore. I still miss her, although far less now. I have let go, but I needed Him to help me let go.

I will keep you in my prayers and if you want to talk, my email is holyspiritrocks@hotmail.com
 
#27
sorry but god is a joke to me...all religion does it cause more hurt and wars...
and i was with her for 2 n half years...its not like we were just friends...she was and is my life
 

Jodi

Staff Alumni
#28
galee74,


tWO AND A HALF YEARs IS A LONG TIME TO E WITH SOMEONE AND TO LOOSE THEM AFTER THAT IS VERY HARD...THE GRIEVING PROCESS IS GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR GONNA BE ON A (sorry about caps)...emotional roller coaster for some time and noone can tell you whats right or wrong as far as your feelings are concerned...if your struggling with depression and thats where your at thats ok for now...I do hope you lean on us and let us support you...why dont you tell us about some of the good times you shared with Kate or how the two of you met...Im sure your aware of the fact that thier are many people who go through a break up with the one they love and time goes by...years many times and then the two of you will be in different places and youo'll find that she will want to be with you and will be willing to work through things....nothing is ever final...just for an example...I met and datedx my husband when I was 15...fell in love with him...and then we seperated and maintained our friendship through the years...but we both went our seperate ways got married to different people and had families....its 20 years later and now we have been married for four years...Im not saying its gonna take 20 years for you and Kate, but thats what it took for me....just wanted to give you a little hope to let you know....once again...nothings final....please keep talking about your feelings...they are important and they matter...lean on us...we are here for you....if ever you would like to talk further please dont hesitate to PM me....take good care of yourself...and know your not alone....-Jodi
 
#29
if i could believe that i'd be fine:) but she hates me:( i we've always been able to talk about intimate things and i told her i dont want to live etc and she basically hates my guts...theres no chance of us EVER getting back together even though i think we both want each other and it just makes it all worse...just want to end it all!:(
 
B

bombeni

#30
Why does she hate you? That's a strong word. Not wanting to be with someone anymore and actually hating them are two different things.
 

Jodi

Staff Alumni
#31
galee74,

Im sorry you feel she hates your guts. You say thiers no chance of you ever getting back together but then you say you feel you both want to be with eachother.....those are two very different views....why do you feel so strongly that she hates you?.....Hate is a very strong word, like bombeni said....I have kind of a task for you to do if you so choose to do it....maybe you can write a letter to Kate telling her everything that is goin g on with you...all your feelings....all your plans what you wouls like to have with her...say everything you would like to say...but dont give her the letter just write it for yourself to get those feelings out to express your emotions and feelings in a more positive nature without trying to dwell on just the negative, not to say that thier wont be negative feelings, but dont let them own you....I know you may have heard it many times over and over again, but I would just like to say again, that time does heal all wounds, and with time comes clarity, and maybe Kate needs some time to figure things out for herself to find what she wants to explore hear heart....as hard as it may be...you might just need to give her the space she needs...they say if you love someone to set them free and if its meant to be they will return....and I know those words must be difficult to hear and Im sorry for that...Im just hoping to give you a little ray of sunshine, and hope.....and I know Im repeating myself but I have to say again....nothing is ever final.....please keep talking and leaning on us...we are really glad your here and want to be as supportive as we can be....take care of yourself and try to find the time to smile a bit......I'll be thinking of you.....-Jodi
 

TG123

Well-Known Member
#33
sorry but god is a joke to me...all religion does it cause more hurt and wars...
and i was with her for 2 n half years...its not like we were just friends...she was and is my life
Hey galee74,
I've been with my best friend a lot less (a few months) but to me she also became everything for a while and when she decided not to be friends anymore I felt like I lost everything for a while too. You and your girlfriend have been together longer and in a deeper relationship than I was with my friend so I can't fully relate but I do know the pain you are going through.

We disagree about God but I respect you and your decision, although I hope that one day you will find faith and joy in Him like I did. People who believe in Him and truly follow Him don't hurt others or cause wars, it is the hypocrites who do that and give Him in doing so a bad name.

But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to let you know that I've (and still am, I guess) going through something very similar. It is so hard to let go, but it's not impossible. You are a caring person who obviously cares about her a lot and I am sure that others see this in you.

I will keep you in my prayers and hope to hear from you to see how your'e doing.

Cristo Vive!
- Tomasz
 
#35
well we argued online and stuff and now everyone hates me and her friend has threatend to tell the cops...wow! im scared lol...she cant grasp i dont care cus ill be gone soon!
 
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