I'm cursed!!!

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galee74

Member
#1
#1
i have read some of the posts with interest and i know we all probably think we're different and no-one understands us...but im sure no-one understands me...because I'm simply CURSED...I've never EVER had good luck...everything goes wrong for me and everytime I think it can't get worse, it does! for instance losing my job would be bad enough but what happens to Gra? (thats me obv)...i lose my own business n job, the girl i love with all my heart and was going to ask to marry me the next week (she left me) 2 relatives and was made bankrupt...now at 24 i have nothing and every day since Kate has left me all I have thought about was her...we talk...and she doesnt want me...she said she wanted out more or less the day after we split...im suicidal and the only person who can save me is kate...she IS the one...we were made to be...and the only reason we aint back together is she gave up trying and another bloke moved in for the kill and she's now with him...I'm ugly and i lost a lot of my hair when i was 18 and its STILL falling out now...now in the last week its going white and i just wanna die...people TELL me I'm ugly and i know i am...no1 likes me...even a slag i know doesnt wanna get with me...and she has got with everyone else i know! Im a hermit and no-one even notices me...a few months back i stayed in the house for two weeks without going out ONCE and no-one even noticed or said anything! i am a bit stalker-ish with ex gf's and i can sense i'm now starting that with kate...i love her to bits and i don't wanna hurt her anymore...she's told me she's in a state worrying about me and i just want toend it all...my family would be richer without me, Kate wouldnt be scared and everyone would have less hassle...im also a jobless bum, so the state would benefit too...dunno why im posting this...just wanted to rant...
i am in no RUSH to die...i dont really care...im dead inside and have been for several months now...i just want to end it sometime soon but am afraid id fuck that up too! so thats why im in no rush...but i DO want to die:( life with kate is unbearable and literally SEVERAL times a day and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for 9 or so months i lie awake thinking about her:(
 
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Old_Man_Kensey

Well-Known Member
#2
#2
well if it s been 9 months you should let go off her...you are making it harder for both
Life isn t over when u break up or lose your job...these experiences can be really devastated but still u gotta keep going coz the more u stay idle, waiting for the miracle to save you the harder it will be to get saved.
Take care man and hang on
 
gentlelady

gentlelady

Staff Alumni
#3
#3
Take control of your situation. It does not sound as if this is working at all. Maybe it is best for you to move on and let her go. Don't obsess over what may never be. I am sorry if I sound brutal. That is not my intention. I wish to see you put yourself in a positive posotion instead of one that you are setting yourself up to fail in. Sorry to hear about your job and bankrubtcy. Those are hard to go through. Now you do have the chance to start fresh. take this chance and make the best of a horrible situation. Set goals for yourself that you can achive. We will root for you here. please take care. :hug:
 
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galee74

Member
#4
#4
thanks...its hard when i'm a place that has highest drugs/drink/suicide/jobless and people on the sick rates in england etc. though...im stuck, im 24, stuck at home with parents, no money, no job, no jobs around...no chance of moving away and/or finding someone like kate and i cant ever talk to ANYONE but kate...she was the only one who fully understood me...i can't even articulate myself on forums like this properly...eveery day is a lving hell and i resent the world and find it hard to wake up...weekends are the worse...i just want to hibernate all weekend:( like today...i feel shit and just want to take some pills to make it all go away:(
 
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Kugatsu

Active Member
#5
#5
I'll admit that your situation is much more extreme than mine but I do know where your coming from. I recently had my heart wrenched by someone whome I put my complete trust in, I'm out of college because I failed too much and got a lot of my money taken away and now I have to leave the great friends I made there and move to a cheaper school next semester. I have no money myself and no job as of right now. For the next 6 months I'm alone because my other friends are too busy with school, work, and girlfriends/boyfriends to even see me for 20 minutes.

Last year, this realization would have crushed me. Honestly, it kind of still is. It's really hard to do anything now. But really, I've been working to try and improve my situation. It's hard, and I know that my mind won't be in the right place even after it all, but at least I'll be up and moving. When it comes to the lost love, the best thing you can do is just harden yourself to her. Don't remember the best of times, but the worst of times to make yourself see that this woman wasn't even worth it all. How she dumped you so easily when you were willing to give it all to her should be enough of a reminder of how not worth it she was. The reason why you are puting so much emotion on her is because you can't see anyone else in your life. Your thinking about how hard it will be to get another girl as great as this one used to be and I'm not going to give you the there's plenty of fish in the sea routine. It's too cliche and too retarded. But really, what you have to do is just try and forget about her, stow her away to the darkest recesses of your mind and heart, and keep her from messing with your life further.

Now with the job thing, I'm sorry to say it but your going to have to get out there and move yourself and beat the street down to get a job. You've got to do it if you want to get yourself back up into the financial position you used to be. If anything, so you can move away from your parents and be independent. Force yourself out there if you have to, look for the jobs that you like and are open, and apply. Apply to whichever you would feel happiest at. Some will tell you to apply to any job even if you hate it, but I think this is the worst idea and just some bs machismo. Which is better? Suffering to find a job that you would enjoy going to, or easily getting a job that you hate to go to every single day. Which one is more soul crushing?

I'm not going to say "you can do it! tomorrow will be a brighter day!" and all that shit. What I am going to say is that you and only you can pick yourself up. Nothing is going to come to you and the only way for you to be happy again is for you to go get it yourself.
 
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galee74

Member
#6
#6
sound advice thanks...i do apply for loads of jobs even soul destroying ones...but there are none and now the poles etc are coming over and stealing the few that are still available...theres no hope and i will never meet anyone like kate....im not naieve...ive had LOADS of gf's and she was definatly the 1...it feels like im 89 years old and widow...if that makes sense lol...im ready to go and feel like i lived live with kate...theres only ever gona be second best from now on and i don't know about other people but, for me, second best is pointless...id rather go out on a high if ya get me
 
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dips

Active Member
#7
#7
Hi galee74
i have also been left by the one whom i loved. dont pine for her so much.
and i think finding a job is very important for you.
do one thing - make a list of things which make you feel good.
i really really wish i can help you because i have gone through exactly the same feelings.
 
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galee74

Member
#8
#8
the only time ive truly been happy is when i was with kate...she breathed life into me...now im just back to being dead inside again! know what i mean?
 
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dips

Active Member
#10
#10
hi,,
you dont feel anything on knowing that? Maybe you dont belive that i really understand your feelings and situation.

What do you think will help you to reduce your agony and your suicidal thoughts?

If my words dont make you feel anything, can you still reply? because talking to you makes a difference to me. So it will be a help to me.

thanks
dips
 
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immure

Account Closed
#15
#15
this could be labeled as co dependancie. do u have a understanding why she left? co dependancie is a measure of some mental disorders. u sound like u r beyond ur yrs. to have been as comitted and acomplished at 24 to my life experience is something above average. did u experience discomfort in ur perseptions and behaviours prior to meeting and while u where with the lady kate?
 
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dips

Active Member
#16
#16
hi immure,
i had also experienced the same thing. I dont know the words but it was an over powering feeling abt the person. a feeling that we are actually one, there is no difference between me and him. i cud not even say that i love him beccause i thought i am him and he is me and we are one entity. when i looked at him, i thought i am looking at myself, that was my face. it used to give me something like an electric spark.
and i had not experienced any discomfort in my perceptions and behaviours. Infact i was most confident and was crystal clear about my thoughts and actions. what exatly is co-dependancie that you are talking about ?
 
gentlelady

gentlelady

Staff Alumni
#17
#17
A co-dependant person is one who encourages the behaviors of someone else by not standing up to them. For example: in an alcoholic relationship, even though you don't care for the persons constant drinking you enable them by doing nothing to stop it. You may tell them you don't like it, but you don't take measures to change things. In a way it encourages the behaviour to continue. Not sure I explained it very well. Sorry.
 
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dips

Active Member
#19
#19
ok i read it. i understand now. thanks really for that.

bt i think galee's problem is something else. He needs to develope patience. i wonder who will help him out of this.
 
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Kugatsu

Active Member
#20
#20
He doesn't need patience or another person. The idea that he needs someone else is whats crippling him right now. What he needs to do is learn to depend on himself. He's the only constant that will always be in his life and the only thing that he can really count on in life. He needs to pick himself out of believing that he lived only for this Kate girl and start living for himself.

Never live for somebody else.
 
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