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I'm depressed but...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by emotionsickness, Jul 31, 2015.

  1. emotionsickness

    emotionsickness Well-Known Member

    ...no one around me sees it. I put on a facade for people, including my own therapist. They don't know that I'm fighting an enormous battle against my own mind. I seriously feel like I'm going to snap soon though. Recently something happened that really has me frazzled and angry and upset. Maybe it wouldn't seem like such a big deal to some people, but it is to me. And the hard part is that I can't even be frank about how upset I am about it. I would tell my therapist about it but it's just too embarrassing a situation. But I just don't know how to deal with all these emotions that are threatening to take over my mind.

    Suffice it to say that I couldn't feel more alone now. I feel like I have to cut ties with one of the only people who I actually felt comfortable around. And it's not easy for me to get to know people. I'm the person who avoids almost everyone out of anxiety, even people who I only know online. I wish I were different, but I don't know how to be.

    Thanks for listening. I just have no idea where to turn right now. I feel like my life is a train wreck that is never going to get better.
  2. temporaryradiance

    temporaryradiance New Member

    I may not know exactly how you feel, but I can definitely relate. I too hide from people and suppress my depression out of fear of not only being judged or pitied, but also out of fear of being patronized and becoming a burden on the people I care about. However, the battle in your head can be hard to fight in solitude. Darkness can easily consume, as submission to it's blinding nature is tempting. You are not alone and you are also alive. This might be strange advice, but sometimes music can be a great distraction and friend to alleviate the pain in your head. The following is a quote from the song "Migraine" by Twenty One Pilots that very much so applies to your situation and has helped me win the wars in my mind:

    "Am I the only one I know,
    Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
    Shadows will scream that I'm alone,
    But I know we've made it this far, kid."

    Basically what I am trying to convey is that you aren't the only one. You are not alone. And you have made it this far. Don't let the shadows scream so loudly to where you can no longer hear the good, the positive, and the real.

    Stay Alive. :)