I'm desperate now..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jessikah2k8, Aug 7, 2008.

  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    I am getting so unbelieveably jealous of my boyfriend's exes. Even though he doesn't even speak to them. It's not even though.. I think he's going to cheat on me.. it's the fact of knowing they might be prettier and I'm not good enough for my boyfriend.

    I have burst into tears twice in a week because I feel I am not good enough for him. I am just emotionally and physically fed up of always putting myself down because I have low self esteem and a lot of paranoia. My boyfriend gets into a huff with me but at first, it seems like a joke.

    Yesterday, a Polish woman was brought up and how he kissed her MONTHS before he even KNEW me. However- this enourmous amount of sadness suddenly came over me and my eyes started filling up. I tried to hide it by joking around about it, to the point where he took a huff and wouldn't speak to me for ages. I kept saying sorry but couldn't get it out of my head so I kept talking about it and how she must be better than me. When I went home with him and we were sitting, I finally stopped talking about it but it was still in my head. I finally got a feeling of guilt and started crying.

    The truth is, I got bullied at work recently and it massively lowered my self esteem. It's horrible seeing half naked glamour models on my boyfriend's laptop and a calendar, even though they are just fantasy figures. It makes me feel uneasy and I've been constantly dieting for weeks now and starving myself, trying to make myself more "attractive" for my boyfriend. He tries to reassure me he loves me over and over but I don't believe him. I can't accept compliments from anybody, never even mind him.

    I feel soooooooooooooo down in the dumps and I hate myself and the way I look.

    This has happened about 3 times over 3 weeks, and it is never out of my mind.

    I don't know what's happening to me.. help !:sad:
  2. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    Fuck all of you then.
  3. Hey...I know exactly how you feel. I beat myself down 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

    I may sound like a hypocrite...but I think that you're probably unconsciously comfortable with how you look, you're just worried whether or not the people you really care about will notice your comfort...

    Ok, maybe I worded that wrong. I bet you're gorgeous inside and out. The fact that you've opened yourself up on here proves that there is depth to your personality.

    If your boyfriend is childish enough to obsess over fantasy figures and bring up old flames, then WHO NEEDS HIM?!!! There's a man out there waiting for you to own up and feel GREAT about yourself, so drop it like it's hot and find someone who'll really appreceate you for REAL...not just fill your head with sweet nothings and then turn around and bring you down again.

    I feel ya gurl. I really do. You can do it. My advice to you is to either bring it to this guy's attention and make him more understanding, or if he can't change, DUMP HIM. You're so much better than how he treats you.

    Feel free to pm me anytime. Sure, I've got boy issues too, that's why I'm here, but I'm also a good listener. Good luck to ya.
  4. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I think whats driving this is lack of self belief and self esteem, a guy having half naked fantasy chicks on his computer is not unusual, its just a picture, and fantasy/anime is big right now. Its like saying my boyfriend doesnt love me cause he watches porn, no, your boyfriend loves you, and his male.

    "the fact of knowing they might be prettier"...

    Dont be worried about what they may or may not be like, focus on you and what you can bring to the relationship.

    Sometimes ex'es come up as a topic in relationships, doesnt mean he loves you any less. In terms of looks? well focus on what you do like about yourself, any single physical feature that you feel makes you attractive, sexy, and make the most of it. Despite some feminist rantings that you hear from time to time, ive never meet anyone, male or female, that didnt like be complimented. You need to feel better about yourself, who you are and what your capable of, it comes from other people and within, from making the most of the complete YOU, the physical, the mental - living up to your potential. This wont only draw praise/compliments from others, to give you a little boost, it will make YOU, feel better about YOU.
  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    jessikah2k8 -

    I don't know if this will help but I will try. You have to understand that your boyfriend's behavior is absolutely normal male behavior. It is not that you are not good enough for him. Think about it. If he didn't care for you, he wouldn't stick around.

    Men are just obsessed with women and sex. We're just wired that way. If he has pictures on his computer, well, I bet every man alive does. My father and mother have been married for 40 years and he still looks at women. But he isn't going anywhere and my mother knows it. He's just being a man.

    But hey. Even if your worst fears were to be true, how bad could it be? Do you know how many men are desperate for a GF in this world? He probably loves you but if he doesn't, I can just about guarantee you that you can find a man who will.
  6. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

  7. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    I think i know how you feel

    Well, actually, the guy im in love with already has a gf.

    I wish someone would have told me how much i hurts :sad:

    sorry for not offering advice. i have none. v_v
  8. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Used to have loads of confidence? So what happened that it slowly changed....is it this guy?
  9. Hah! I wish I was that lucky. You're gorgeous! At least you don't weigh 170 lbs. Look on the bright side. So much potential...I really hope you're not depressed. It's probably just this boyfriend you have now.
  10. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Well, if people tell you that you're pretty, why don't you believe them? People usually don't lie about that. I think people judge themselves more harshly than others do quite often. I have seen some very pretty women who didn't think they were attractive.
  11. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i can see in your photo you have great hair an a pretty face. the callender stuff and pictures of babes, just reamember its basically fantasy and probably airbrushed and 'photoshoped' and shot with cinematic tricks nobody neccissarioly looks like that in real life. heck some guys deck their stuff out with anime babes, and u know nobody in real life looks like that. please dont let sillly babe picture make you think bf doesnt love you, nearly every guy has them no matter what his gf looks like. a friend of mine had a very cute and attractive girl and even he had posters of half naked anime babes hanging all over his appartment. its just something guys do its hard to understand for some, but it doesnt 'replace' a relationship it is whole different thing alltogehter.