i was diagnosed with ME (also known as CFS in some places) which caused me to stop my final years of veterinary training as even on the best days pain wise i can only make it from one end of my small flat to the other. I have been living off a mix of codine, pregabalin, naproxin, amatriptaline and an anti inflammatory gel. even on the days i can drag myself up its not for long and i have to cope on the drugs alone. i am tired of being tired all the time i am tired of being in pain all the time i am tired of the look my partner of eight years gives me when i snap at him. i try so hard not too and it is always dumb things. i feel he stays because he knows he is pretty much my full time caretaker. im only 28 and him 26 and i know deep down i shouldnt feel this way at all. i used to self harm and have a very bad eating disorder for many years, i dont cut anymore but some old food habits die hard (mostly the act of pulling food apart and eating very slowly) i have nobody but myself to blame for how i am. My partner will joke sometimes about my mother who kicked me out at 18 and prior to that was very abusive. i still flinch and cower whenever anyone gets angry as i expect to be hit, i know i shouldnt be so scared. not evry person out there is a violent loon. yet i sit here looking at my box of medication thinking to myself "just take them all.... he is asleep you have plenty of time" im sorry for any poor spelling and whatnot. its half five in the morning i have been sat up in tears over this pointless crap. i am like a virus i dont live i exist.