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I'm done... finding method cleaning things up then going through with my vow

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Dec 6, 2010.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I am the single most worthless piece of shit to ever walk this damned plannet. Not only am i a failure in sports, social skills, and all else but now school... what a way to fail... apparently i did not turn in the homework last week and I was already hovering between an acceptable and failing grade.

    I have felt this way since I was a young child... I was always the piece of shit that no one liked or wanted anything to do with.

    I thought my life had changed and that things were getting better in 2007... what a fucking joke. Everything I hated about life returned... friends left, people who I thought cared about me abandoned me in the hardest point of my life... but there was still hope.

    I thought I could make something of myself... I was running a good GPA in college... and vowed to keep it on my life.

    I just realized I did not turn in a homework assignment... 2 actually. This will damn me to not keep my GPA.

    This is it... without a degree i am nothing... without my grades I have nothing to be happy about... there is no such thing as a life long friend...

    I am going to spend some time cleaning my room up, re formatting this computers hard drive, ect... get things all ready for me to depart.

    All I ever wanted to be was the best... to be teh envy of all to be a world champion... I would have setteled for sucessfull student...

    the world is wrong... how do soe many others get good things but not me? I was born without potential... and i am conent to die this way.

    got some stuff I need to do... then I am out of this world once and for all.
  2. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    Hey Random.

    Sounds like you're doing shitty. But sounds like you have a lot of ambition, maybe even too much, and that's driving you to think you're nothing.

    Don't buy into an "all or nothing" attitude. So you missed a couple assignments, step back and think, is that the end of the world?

    You have a good GPA and are in college.

    I already know you're doing leaps and bounds better than where I'm at, and I don't even feel suicidal atm.

    Calm down, relax, it's a feeling, it will pass, you have a future, don't waste it.
  3. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    Had a good GPA... it is in the past just like everything else good in my life. Good grades were the only thing keeping me going... and now it is done. nothing left where the good in my life once stood... I guess i have to stick around till friday... damn this group project...
  4. DannyBoy

    DannyBoy Well-Known Member

    I hope you feel better by then.

    I know when things are going bad that suicidal feeling can start looking good.

    You just have to roll with the punches sometimes. Good times will come.
  5. DrNick1010

    DrNick1010 Well-Known Member

    I don't know how long it's been since those assignments were due for you, but maybe if you talked to your professors and explained your situation, they might make an exception. My roommate in college struggled with getting his assignments in at the end of a semester and ended up having a major depressive episode from the stress. He literally couldn't do the work at hand and the professors were more than gracious in letting him take incompletes until he was ready to hand the work in. Professors do care about their students, most of them anyway and those that don't definitely should. One day, I hope to be a professor and I personally would feel horrible if I had a student commit suicide over some harsh grading. If you talk to them, they will listen and should try to be as sympathetic toward you as possible. While not all of them may make exceptions, they should nonetheless have a genuine concern for your well being in the class and if they don't you can complain about it to them and their department heads. It really sounds like you're setting impossibly high standards for yourself, which is something I've often done. Keeping up a solid GPA is very difficult because there are so many unforeseen circumstances. Maybe you could also check into dropping the classes you're concerned about or seeing if you can switch them to a pass/fail. The biggest thing is that you try some different approaches and reach out to people before committing the unthinkable. I know you're going through a lot of pain right now, but really just try to think positively. Sounds easy right? It might sound like trying to jump across the Grand Canyon right now, but really make an effort to try. Don't think of yourself as a piece of shit because you're not, and the more you tell yourself that, the more you'll realize it. Look for reasons to enjoy life, however little those things might be, like a big glass of beer, or the taste of a good steak, or noticing a beautiful woman you hadn't seen before. All of these are perfectly good reasons to stick around and I think the people in your life would like you to stay, even if they won't tell you upfront about it.
  6. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity

    I am not telling a professor I plan to commit... that would result in being institutiaonalized and I refuse to allow that to happen.

    The little things do not last... it always goes back to the same old misery I always feel and I am sick of that. I know people want me to stay... but even they bring me misery. Everytime someone gets engagued I get triggered. Everytime somebody gets a good grade I get triggered...

    I need As across the bored on my finals to survive... only way to get As in my classes. If I fail... I will be dead on the 22nd
  7. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Hi Random, long time no talk to. I agree with above, maybe you can talk to your teachers about whats going on, you dont have to say what your plans are, but you can relate that your having a hard time. They are human to, and one time or another we all fall on hard times.

    I wish you would reconsider your plans, you do have alot to live for. Open up and look really good at whats around you, it may not be sunshine and smelly roses, but its your life. Yes it can feel like the world and life just keeps pounding on you (and me) but your a strong smart person, stand up and fight back. This is your life, you only get one chance.
  8. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    I never got to go to college. Thought I wouldn't need it and just wanted to be done with school. I messed up. Just give it your best. Isn't that all anyone can do? If that's not enough, you choose another path. Life is full of choices, and we make our own.
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