I'm Done; I Can't Take It.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Shiroi_Hana, Jan 24, 2009.

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  1. Shiroi_Hana

    Shiroi_Hana Well-Known Member

    I don't know what's wrong with me. All of a sudden I just decided that I shouldn't bother trying to keep up with any of my friends. Every time I try to get in touch with any of them, they make it more than apparent that they don't care. I'm just another face to them; and to my family. There is nothing good about who I am, and there is no reason for me to keep this pointless game going. Why didn't I just let myself pass out and die when I had my attack this morning? It would have been so easy just to keep myself conscious until I was alone again; I could be dead by now; I could be free. Nobody here cares about me. I deleted my Myspace, or I'm going to. I know it sounds stupid but it's the only means of keeping in touch with anyone since I have no phone or car. When I do this, I will literally disappear from all of their lives, and I don't care anymore because I'm not important enough to them. I have nothing; I am nothing and I know that if I start to cut tonight I am not going to stop. I'm doing all that is in my power to keep my mouth closed right now, because if I don't then I will scream and wake up the whole house. My hands are shaking; I don't know why. I don't care. I just know that I am so tired of going through life making excuses as to why people see me as less than nothing. There is no reason for me to wait; there is nothing for me to wait for. I have never been anything, and what exactly is going to change that?? I certainly have no will to do anything about it. All my life, I have either been the object of ridicule, or nothing at all to anybody. And I'm just not going to do it anymore. I hate myself; I hate who I am and everything about me seems wrong. There is NOTHING here for me.
  2. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I read your post and I know how you feel. But being on the outside, I can see that you're isolating. It's easy to feel like no one cares, but can you accept that perhaps you're feeling that way because your brain is not seeing things straight at the moment? I've learned that about myself and my illness...when I'm feeling so rotten, lonely, suicidal...my brain is not in "rational mode".

    What to do? Write here. Reach out. People here are all struggling too. And there's something about mingling with like-minded people and yet also recognizing that though I frequently want to die lately, I also don't want anyone here to die...which just serves for giving me some perspective.

  3. midnight08

    midnight08 Member

    Hi Shiroi_Hana
    People who havnt experienced what you are going through will find it very difficult to understand what your going through and will often shy away from you.
    As fern said it is helpfull to be part of a group who has experienced similar things to you.
    Also you should seek the help of a professional ....maybe talk to a doctor about getting a referral
    Best of luck ..hope you feel better
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. you will always have friends at s.f. - so hang out here with us when you feel all alone.

    i like what Fern said about feeling like you want to die, yet realizing you don't want others to die, not an exact quote. . . .

    here, i think most of us understand how painful life can be. you did a good thing by reaching out when things got to a very hard point - i can see the huge wave of pain as i read your post :sad: please do not be hard on yourself. you are a valued person. you can value and love, yourself. please take care of you, don't hurt you.

    please talk to me anytime you want. :hug:
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hiya Shiroi_hana, I did the same as you, I pushed away the remaining friends I had after the others started avoiding me. The reason they did that was because they didnt understand the person depression, anxiety etc had turned me into. Also, the majority of them couldn't handle the emotional rollercoaster being with me had become. Some just didn't have a clue what to say :rolleyes:
    I now understand the reason I pushed the remaining ones away was to prevent myself being rejected again.
    Your thread was written by the depressed you, not the real you, remember that when you feel this way, it helps most of the time :)
    Stay strong and stay safe and stay here. We all want to help you through this bad time if you will let us. Keep posting and keep talking to us.

    Lea :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Shiroi,
    I also pushed everyone away twenty years ago and spent fourteen years isolating myself. Then I got a computer and found this site. I have really opened up since being on the forum. I just recently had a bad spell and the members rallied to gether and helped me to open my eyes.
    Let us try and help you. I'm sure you will find several ppl here who won't give up on you!! I still isolate but I always know I can log on here and talk to someone and it helps to lift me up a little. The rest is up to me. You should try to set small acheivable goals for yourself. Once you complete a goal hold onto that positive thought to help pick you up when you are down..Stay Safe!!~Joseph~
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    How are you feeling today? :hug:

    I'm always here for you hun :rose:
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