I don't know what's wrong with me. All of a sudden I just decided that I shouldn't bother trying to keep up with any of my friends. Every time I try to get in touch with any of them, they make it more than apparent that they don't care. I'm just another face to them; and to my family. There is nothing good about who I am, and there is no reason for me to keep this pointless game going. Why didn't I just let myself pass out and die when I had my attack this morning? It would have been so easy just to keep myself conscious until I was alone again; I could be dead by now; I could be free. Nobody here cares about me. I deleted my Myspace, or I'm going to. I know it sounds stupid but it's the only means of keeping in touch with anyone since I have no phone or car. When I do this, I will literally disappear from all of their lives, and I don't care anymore because I'm not important enough to them. I have nothing; I am nothing and I know that if I start to cut tonight I am not going to stop. I'm doing all that is in my power to keep my mouth closed right now, because if I don't then I will scream and wake up the whole house. My hands are shaking; I don't know why. I don't care. I just know that I am so tired of going through life making excuses as to why people see me as less than nothing. There is no reason for me to wait; there is nothing for me to wait for. I have never been anything, and what exactly is going to change that?? I certainly have no will to do anything about it. All my life, I have either been the object of ridicule, or nothing at all to anybody. And I'm just not going to do it anymore. I hate myself; I hate who I am and everything about me seems wrong. There is NOTHING here for me.