I'm done, I don't care

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jballan, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. jballan

    jballan Member

    I'm so F***ing done. I give up, I give in, I lose, I quit, I surrender. Life, you are horrible, I'm done playing your stupid games. I've been in therapy for 5 years, at least 2x/week. My doctor doesn't understand me, I even got mad on the phone with her after expressing my concerns and said, I give up, i'm done, I don't care anymore, there is no use to even trying anything ever again. I had an appointment scheduled today, obviously after saying that to her and getting the response "you are throwing a temper tantrum and spewing shit at me" I didn't call or show up. She left me a voicemail asking when I wanted to reschedule. I called her back and said I had no plan to do so, she asked if I wanted to talk, I said no. She said I will call you back in an hour so we can talk. I don't want to talk to her, didn't she understand, I DON't CARE anymore, life is crap, meaningless. I don't have anything to add, I think that is clear as can be. I'm fed up with the system, I don't want any part of it, screw medical school, screw everything. Everything is pointless. People are conditioned, they are mean, they judge others, they are selfish. I don't want to be around people like that, who only care about themselves. Who never care enough to ask, hey how are you? This world, humans, I'm so disappointed in our race/species.
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hi Jballan, I am Mox

    How are you doing today? In my opinion you are not doing too well. Please listen to me, if you are in danger of hurting yourself please take yourself to the nearest ER and get the help you need. The help you deserve. I invite you to read my personal story below in green, see that you are not the only one suffering, you are not the only one in pain. I would really like to know more about you, how you are feeling, what is on your mind that is causing you so much pain? The more of your story you share the more we can help you. That is how SF "works" we all help each other out. If you don't share your story then we can not help you. The choice is yours my friend.

    If you are more comfortable we can chat in PM or IMs

    Take Care
     
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Is it possible for you to go to another doctor or therapist?
     
  4. jballan

    jballan Member

    Yes, I have great duel insurance. But I've been calling doctors for a month and can't get in to see anyone, because they are full. I am giving up more and more as I cannot get the help i desperately need
     
  5. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Keep trying. What about different therapy? Are there support groups near you?
     
  6. jballan

    jballan Member

    Yea, I've tried psychoanalysis, CBT, DBT. Nothing is very great. I need more like behavioral modification for school related troubles. But that is really hard to find. I live in a small town and have to drive nearly 2 hours for my weekly appointments. The groups here focus on DBT, but they are more informative, which is not what I need. I read that entire manual, I don't need it read to me again. I don't know what approach would work for me. I wish I did, I would be doing it!
     
  7. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    I don't think you need therapy for thinking people suck...you are not crazy..they do suck.
     
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  8. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    It's not your fault though..so whatever.If people tell you they can fix you I believe they are insane.This existence is so complex and unexplainable that I find it amazing that people go about their"modern" daily lives.Long story short just keep on living and doing the best you can.YOU ARE NOT "CRAZY."
     
    jballan likes this.
  9. jballan

    jballan Member

    I don't think I am the one with the problem, I think they are the ones with the problems. MY thought process is just not socially acceptable. I don't follow the traveled stream. I see the devestation this world brings. I see the heartache and it kills me to be powerless to this broken system, while everyone else lives in a world where ignorance is bliss. I wish I could be ignorant enough not to notice the bad stuff that happens daily. But I see it, and it's heart breaking and depressing and hopeless. A completely normal reaction.
     
  10. NoIdeaWhichName

    NoIdeaWhichName Active Member

    Human life is too short, you'll never be able to feel anything when you die.
    Love your emotions and your life no matter how it looks because all of this will be gone forever one day.
    You are alive temporary and you'll be dead for eternity. No need to make it end quick because like I said, life is short.
     
  11. jballan

    jballan Member

    Life is too long, I don't want to feel anything. I wish it would be over now. Dead for eternity is fine with me. Better than misery
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sorry you have been mistreated like jerks like I have too, when caught up in this it is easy to forget that there are a lot of good people in the world, people that want you to stay alive and people that care. I hope you can find the right therapy to make all of this better, please hold on another day? We're not all like those horrible people we have had the displeasure of coming across.
     
  13. jballan

    jballan Member

    Thanks for the comment. It's hard to find good people. Too rare. I have serious doubt about finding therapy that would help. My hope tube is sucked dry.