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I'm done, just done.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theladthatlovedyou, Oct 28, 2007.

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  1. I don't get it, I put everything into making her happy- we've been friends for years, and there's always been something else there (at least I thought so). We can talk for hours about anything- one time we had a 4 hour conversation about squirrels (I know, fucking crazy). I'm completely in love with her and she can't see it. She just wants to stay friends. I DON'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS. Now we're at different colleges and don't even talk much anymore, and it's not the same anyway when we do.

    I can't make any friends here cause she's all I think about. If I can't have her, what's the point? Part of me just wants her to be happy, even if I can never be there for her the way I want to be.

    I feel worthless, and I can't imagine ever feeling the same way about anyone else. I don't even really want to feel this way about anyone else. I give up, so this will likely be my first and last post here.

    Don't even know why I'm posting this; guess i just wanted someone to listen for once- sorry for wasting your time.
  2. Destiny

    Destiny Member

    I believe everyone has had that type of experience. You want a long-term partner, but you want that partner to love you as she should. This is more than an issue of semantics. If your current partner will never love you in a deep or meaningful way, then the longer you stay where you are, the less likely it is that you'll end up where you want to be.

    When a woman who can and will love you deeply in a way that will rock your world you'll be happy. This may mean that you'll have to be alone for some time. It certainly is hard to leave an important friendship and a lot of good times behind as you set out for something bigger and better. Uncertainty is uncomfortable, but it's also exciting.

    Here's a speech i gave to a friend of mine a few months back:

    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

    Some people come into your life for a reason, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a reason!

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

    Good luck dude.
  3. Thanks for taking the time to respond, but I just don't see any of that happening. I mean, I've got zero motivation to keep going. I'm so angry at myself for obviously screwing up with her somehow.

    The only way I'm going to feel better is to start cutting and not stop. Cheers.
  4. Destiny

    Destiny Member

    Find a new motivation, find a hobby. Find something to make yourself better. Whether it be something on the computer or thinking of a new career in collage. There's no reason in punishing yourself for something that happened in the past, love can make someone do crazy things, believe me, one of my friends picked up smoking just to stay with a boy friend. There has to be something you enjoy doing, some kind of career you with to achieve during your college years. If you didn't want to have a job, then you wouldn't be in college.

    I know i'm a stranger to you but i just want to help dude.
  5. You think I want to be here??! HA! Oh my god, wow, no. My parents are making me go to college. I hated most of my highschool years, I felt trapped and had always been told that college would be better- and now that I'm here I'm finding out that it's a fucking joke. I hate it here. It's exactly the same, except instead of like highschool (where I had something to look forward to) there's nothing after college. What an utter waste of time.
  6. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to say that I know exactly what you are dealing with, because no one but you really does, but I don't think we could be in a more similar situation if we tried. I too have fallen hard for a very close friend (really the only person that fits what I consider a friend) but we will never be more than that. And more recently we have become very distant.

    Now getting to what is important. The only thing I can say is that you, and only you, will have to tell yourself that being more than friends with this girl is not a possibility at this time. You don't have to shut her out or forget about her in order to move on in your life. Maybe sometime in the future you may be brought back together, when the time is right and you can be more than friends. For right now, all you can do is try and remain friends.

    It seems like you'll never have a relationship the same as the one you had and that's absolutely true. But that's not a bad thing. If you do, just slowly start to try and make friends you may eventually make a new relationship that is even better than the one that you are so badly missing.

    You're now in college, where there are tons of people and plenty for you to make new relationships with. It's just a matter of allowing yourself to not forget but simply put your previous friendship a little to the side.

    I know how little all these "think positive" statements mean, but sometimes you have to put them to use and just let yourself get out of your way. You're obviously not worthless if someone has already been such a close friend with you and if you're willing to hope for their happiness over your own.

    Sometimes life really loves to give you a kick to the balls and you think you'll never walk again, but slowly you wobble your way back to your feet and eventually you get walking again. Until the next time life takes a swing and you either do it all over again or you finally have that special someone to pull you out of the way and the poor sap behind you gets nailed. :biggrin:

    Hope this may have helped
    I really can identify with your situation and if you want to talk privately, feel free to pm me.
  7. I'm sorry, I just can't feel anything. I'm just so sorry. I want to fucking scream. If she would just call me, or write me, or just give me one little piece of encouragement, or anything, I'd stay.

    You want to hear something funny? I just looked, and I've only got 4 goddamn advil left, which I doubt is lethal in any dosage. That's all I've got, 4 pussy advil.
  8. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Don't be sorry that you can't feel anything.
  9. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Write her an email. Write, don't call, don't do anything other than write. Look at what you have written and make sure that it really is what you want to say.

    I know it seems like the only thing that you need is to communicate with her but it may not be. Maybe try just writing out everything that you are thinking/feeling. It doesn't have to make sense and it doesn't have to be seen by anyone but you.

    From the sounds of it you feel very overwhelmed and hopeless. It's not a completely unlikely feeling. Or uncommon.

    These are just suggestions. You ultimately make the decision and I know none of this or anything else anyone can say will really make you change your mind.
  10. so i went out to my car with a new pack of cigs, and put one out on my arm- that was 5 cigs ago.... FUCK! what the hell am i gonna do now??! i've got burns all over my wrist... mother fucker! jesus christ. i'm so fucked, my parents are gonna freak if they find out about this. i'm so stupid! what a worthless piece of shit. oh my god, i can't believe i screwed up so bad. It does take my mind off of that girl though... so, my new solution to depression: burn myself.
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