I'm done trying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by P.J, Oct 16, 2016.

  1. P.J

    P.J Active Member

    I'm done. I can't move forward, I can't let go and I can't keep fighting through life. I am just so drained out - emotionally, physically, mentally. Sorry, I'm not looking for attention here and I don't mean to be so selfish; I just want to be heard! My family do not hear me. Why?? I had attempted already and they just brush it off like it never happened despite seeing me in a bad way. I am not a strong enough person to live this life. I don't have the energy to do the smallest things, to go to uni, to work or just out - I am not depressed so please don't suggest I am. I've tried to ask for help but either I can't access it or I am stopped in someway. Both counselling and medication are not possible options for me. Things aren't getting better and I really don't want to be here anymore. I had the courage once and I can do it again but I just can't fail. Yet if I die then they win - this is tormenting my mind. I'm done trying to make things better - to give up or to stop caring I really don't know.
     
  2. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Families can be hurtful and harmful because we expect that they will know what to say or do. But it is not realistic because we all have our own issues. Some of these issues prevent people from listening, accepting and being capable to helping.

    I know how disappointing this can be but...

    Universities often have counseling available to students. Or have you just gone into an er to talk to someone? Called a crisis line?
     
    Randomness likes this.
  3. Randomness

    Randomness Active Member

    Then let's start with this, if it's all you've got. Your life does not have to be over.
    I'm going to go against you a little. You might not be depressed yet, but this draining stress will eventually zap so much that you WILL be depressed.
    Can you try to start a new support system / "family"? Feel free to talk to me, if it helps. Just don't do anything that would prevent you from one day finding happiness, okay?
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hi:

    There is no shame in asking for help or talking to someone about your feelings. What is so draining about your life situation? Cant you take a break enjoy a vacation and see if it makes you feel refreshed?
     
    Randomness likes this.
  5. P.J

    P.J Active Member

    @Striking I had a look into counselling at uni not long ago but I got as far as the lady telling me "sorry all appointments are fully booked". The best help I have had is texting a crisis line who told me to make a safety plan - but that doesn't really work for me, I'm very impulsive.

    @Randomness it feels as though my life is already over - I don't really have anyone that close to me to start a new support system with. Thank you for your offer.

    @DrownedFishOnFire I'm sorry I still don't quite have the strength to write my story to tell what is so draining but I will say this - ptsd is part of it, horribly draining! I wish I could take a break but it's something I can't escape from.
     
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  6. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Call back and ask if there other organizations in the area that will see you. A crisis line should be able to help with this as well.

    Safety plans aren't very helpful if your awareness on triggers is weak. In your case I would put go somewhere safe or to an ER until you start regular therapy as the top two things to do.
     
    Randomness likes this.
  7. Randomness

    Randomness Active Member

    I assure you, you still have potential. And it's okay that you don't have friends .. yet . You will find them. For now, take comfort on everyone here. There's even a fun chat room.
    I'm glad you're here.
     
  8. P.J

    P.J Active Member

    @Striking I may call again - it took a lot to ask, I just don't want to be discouraged and let down again and some people can't find out. It is easier via the university services.

    @Randomness I hope so, thank you for the support - still holding on.
     
  9. throwaway125

    throwaway125 Member

    I don't have any advice, but I feel the same. It feels so unfair that we have to try so hard for what comes naturally to so many others. When I barely eat, the thought of putting effort into existing hurts so much.
     
  10. PhoenixFailed

    PhoenixFailed SF Supporter Study Facilitator

    I too have PTSD and am sorry for your experiences that caused yours and the resulting pain you are feeling. As Randomness said, you can take the comfort offered here. I've only been here 8 days and have found supportive people who in a way are already a support family for me. I hope you find the same.

    I know it can be exhausting trying to book appointments on top of trying to get through the pain. I encourage you to call back as Striking suggested. Maybe if you tell the university scheduler how urgent you feel this is, they might find you a spot. Also, don't be afraid to take the first available appointment and ask that they contact you in case of any cancellations. I have been surprised how quickly a last minute cancellation has come up in the past.

    Take care and keep posting here. We care about you!
     
  11. P.J

    P.J Active Member

    @throwaway125 I'm sorry you feel this way too. It sure does hurt so much but please do look after yourself and feel free to pm me anytime OK :)

    @PhoenixFailed I am so sorry too that you have ptsd - it's a such horrible thing. I'm glad you have found supportive people here though.
    I suppose I could ask for the uni to call me if they have any cancellations - thanks. Hope this all works out soon.
     
  12. PhoenixFailed

    PhoenixFailed SF Supporter Study Facilitator

    I hope it works out soon too.

    I know you said medication is not an option, but something to tuck away for the future is that treating me for anxiety with meds is what finally calmed down the terrifying roller coaster of PTSD. The medication I take is so cheap that I was still able to take it when I had no insurance. If you want to know more, just ask.

    It is not the only treatment that helps, but it is what helped me.