I'm done trying

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jdbrowni14, Aug 27, 2011.

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  1. jdbrowni14

    jdbrowni14 Member

    I hate my life. I am bipolar and suffer from severe manic and depressive episodes about five times a year. I am tired of trying to control these episodes. I just want to die. Death seems so peaceful. I am tired of feeling on top of the world then crashing and feeling like the biggest piece of shit to ever walk the face of earth. I wish i had no family so that no one would be hurt by my absence. I know that nothing will help me except for opiates so there is no hope for me.
     
  2. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry to hear you're hurting so much. I know how incredibly painful the place you're in can be. I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and struggle daily with emotion regulation. It is an exhausting and far from easy battle that few people understand. Therapy and medication help me cope though, and when I am not in that dark, deep pit of depression, I realize that although I have my challenges to overcome, there are so many beautiful things out there worth living for. Everyone has their crosses to bear (some are just more obvious than others), and who knows what wonderful things are in store for you in the future?

    Please be strong. You can do this. I know you can. We are all rooting for you here at SF!

    P.S. Do you have a therapist you can talk to, and are you on any meds?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you tried the newer medication hun theywork abilify works so well Ask your doctor okay see what can be done to level out those ups and downs hun hugs
     
  4. jdbrowni14

    jdbrowni14 Member

    Ive been on nearly every medication. From abilify to zyprexa.
     
  5. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I feel where you're coming from. It is exhausting to manage bipolar disorder and it's not fair. People don't understand how frightening and frustrating it is to not have control over your mood. you are self-medicating with a narcotic, and I know nothing else has worked for you, but opiates are a dead end. I think you're a young person too and I don't want to see you throw in the towel like my friend did... finding other people who understand your illness and using them as a support network will help you to not feel so completely alone. I'm not a religious person but in times like that where I just couldn't bear it any longer I have prayed... and maybe just through my own will, my last shred of hope things got better. Just don't give up please, don't stop looking for other solutions
     
  6. jdbrowni14

    jdbrowni14 Member

    im done dealing with the ups and downs. the only thing that helps is opiates. why do they think that stimulants will help more than opiates?
     
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