Thought I'd post my story as a last thing. I always thought I was more than I was. Always. Or maybe I was just kidding myself? As I always thought I was. I fucked up over a good three years ago. I dropped out of my school and sat it out until I returned to a college and saw out 2 years until uni. Until last summer it was all well, I was happy, I had survived all this shit the first time and sat it out until it was all better. I found a new start in a new college and I managed to get a gf. Somehow. Me being the ugly awkward fucker I am. Things went well for like a year. They kept me up despite the fact I felt it was all down to me. It wasn't. Needless to say it all fell through eventually. I waited 5 months last summer while she was on a gap year until I went out to meet her to find out things had changed and it was over. Big deal. I've pretty much seen out my first year at uni. 1 more exam but to be honest I just don't even care any more. Tonight was the night I realised I mean fuck all to pretty much all around me. No matter how much they say they want me out/around/up for a night out/a chat it takes very little time to realise my presence means fuck all to most. I don't matter to anyone just like i did 3 years ago. I haven't moved on at all despite everything. I guess my big fault is that I just feel myself to be fucking ugly and aside from one good year and a bit all i have ever felt is that way. Tonight I realised it just really is the case and along with the fact I have no impact on anything I do/am I just give up. I am a nothing person and I give nothing to this world and it really would make no difference by just topping myself now and being gone. That's really how I feel now. Being at this uni was meant to be my new start. My new opportunity and my new chance to be someone different. I haven't got anywhere near being different and there is no point in hanging around now. I offer nothing to anyone/anything and so why? Why hang around? Waiting for things to get better? The last time I did that my life imploded and I gave up everything so is that how it should be? Each time I don't feel up to it just drop out and spend all my time feeling sorry for myself? Fuck this all. I am one of those sorry cases in this life and it's about time I saw it out. And yet all this leads me to post on here. I guess I want some reason or something to live. I don't know. I'm just a fucked up individual. I don't see a way out of any of this.