I'm done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cant think, May 21, 2013.

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  1. cant think

    cant think Member

    Every day I wake up in tears, I fight to hold them back through the day, and then as soon as I walk through my door I collapse in tears again. I even fall asleep crying now. I can't stand it. When I was 12 my grandma died, and we were very close, she was like a mother to me because my mom had me at 17, and I've always felt guilty about ruining her life, and she had made me feel better about myself, then when I was 14 just as I was starting to be able to live a normal life again, my best friend jasmine committed suicide. She was my only consistent friend because I used to move around every two years, and she was the only one I stayed in touch with. Ever since then I had been depressed, and then I met this wonderful girl, Caity, I thought she was the solution to my problems, we fell in love, and were happy together, she made me more happy than I had ever been in my entire life, but she decided to dump me, and all because she wanted to do whatever and whoever she wanted this summer with no worries. That was when the crying started, I havent been able to sleep more than an hour or two at a time since then, and haven't been able to eat. I doubt anything anybody says will stop me, but I wanted to at least share my story so that people would understand why I'm doing this, and why I cant stop it.
  2. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing on here, you really do have alot of pain and loss and I can feel it very strongly in your writing.
    Are you wishing to end your life seriously? Its the worse thing ever when we lose people, the emptiness is just too much to bare isn't it and when we get close and attached to them its even harder.
    I often say to myself its alot better not to be attached then dont get sad and hurt, but then people say life is nothing without love in it, so damned if do and damned if dont.

    To lose someone to suicide at any age is unthinkable, but you were 14, this must have really floored you and although you might not think it, you must be very strong to still be here. Losing your grandma aged 12 left a big hole too cos she was like your mother and nurturer.

    I cry every day and ALOT, I cry alone mainly as dont have much support or anyone face to face to cry with or to understand and wipe my tears away. I cry so much I think there cant be anymore left in me, then it happens all over again.
    Its GOOD and HEALTHY to cry, I feel safe when I occasionaly see my best friend which isn't often as he lives a way away cos can cry in his arms and he holds me until I stop and wipes my tears away, but the majority of my pain and crying is done alone.

    I lost my main support mum a year ago and my heart is ripped out, I dont wish to be here without her and everyday gets tougher and tougher to be existing here.
    I have many health problems which make life harder evenmore.

    Caity has hurt you so badly, I have bad wounds with partners, its awful what they can do to us isn't it. It sounds though she is very selfish and doesn't think of how you feel atall, this wont stop your feelings and love towards her of course and nothing I say will change the way you care about her and miss her, but sounds like she is young and just after a good time and blow anyone's feelings. Its awful.

    I have terrible sleep problems so can empathise there too, I hope you can manage to eat something, its last thing you want to do when this low, but if you dont you feel even worse, believe me, been there and did hunger strikes few times in my life and made me VERY ill.
    Let me know how you are now, either on here or private message, I will listen to anything you wish to say and wont judge. I do care. Take care.
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