im done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, Nov 13, 2013.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    i wake up everyday feeling the same pain and guilt. I mean nothing to anyone in life. I am sick of being scapegoated by my family. I am tired of people holding over my head that I drink (fun fact: sometimes, doing that to someone is somewhat counter productive) It's hard to find the courage to take my life, but my life is shit and no matter what I do, nothing matters. The only time i matter is when I did somethng wrong. It's time to end my mistake of a life.
     
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    For what it's worth, you mean something to me. I remember you, though you may not remember me. Fair enough, because I don't mean much to anyone either.

    Yeah, I drink too, and I know that oftentimes the alcohol can amplify whatever you're feeling, whether it be joy, anger, or sadness. That's not to say that the alcohol is to blame for your problems, or that what you're feeling isn't real, but it's not a good idea to toss around the idea of suicide when you're in the bottle. Trust me on that one.

    I can relate to everything you're saying. I just don't think that suicide is the answer. If I thought it was the answer, I would have done it by now.
    What is the answer? Well that is a tough question. And one that I don't have all the answers to. I just know that committing suicide eliminates any possibility of ever figuring it out or fixing what's wrong.
    I'm not saying this as a therapist or someone who thinks he knows everything, because as I said, I don't have all the answers. I'm in the same boat as you. But sinking the boat isn't going to do us a whole lot of good, now is it? I think first we need to figure out where we are and where we are going.

    Sorry if that sounds like some corny-as-hell motivational bullcrap.
     
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    No it doesn't sound corny, and yes, I do remember you. It's good to hear from you again. The thing I notice about drinking is that it has at times helped me escape that dark place in ways that my family hasn't. usually they make things worse and don't care.
     
  4. vagabond84

    vagabond84 Member

    I am new here, but I just wanted to say I feel similar to what you've described. If you ever want to talk, I'm here...
     
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you vagabond, I appreciate that. Right now, what little optimism I have is slowly fading though....
     
  6. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    sadhart, clearly you're a smart and funny person. I hope you'll hang on. I know what you're going through. I'm dealing with it big time right now, I keep thinking maybe this weekend would be the best time to get this over with. I'm barely hanging on. But I see other clearly intelligent folks suffering from the same thing, makes me want to reach out.
     
  7. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Yeah, me too. Right now the only time I can feel good pretty much is when I drink. I'm trying to not drink so much right now. It's been two straight nights I haven't drank. Tomorrow I bowl and everyone is drinking and the last couple times I did not just so I can cut down. I don't know. It's tough when you're sad and can find no pleasure in anything in the world. When I drink I do not want to kill myself. Only when I'm sober.
     
  8. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if I'm that smart or funny but thanks for reaching out. I think what I hate is whenever the emotional pain subsides just a little, something triggers it again and I feel hopeless even more. For me right now, there are some many things that are making me hurt inside and I just want it to stop. I guess that's one of the reasons why I keep moving towards that "dark place"
     
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