last night i was going to kill myself but i couldn't do it i feel so pathetic i was so close to doing it why does it have to be so hard i can't live like this crying every night because im still alive and then crying every morning because its another day i have to pretend to be happy and another day for me to cut myself theres no escape from the nightmare that is my life. i know i will eventually do it but i don't know when sometimes i wish i could get hit by a car when i cross the road or something. dont bother saying sorry you're feeling like this or anything i'm tired of people saying stuff like that. i have tried getting professional help, the mental health service said i'm not going to do anything to endanger myself in anyway no one takes you seriously when you're a teen everyone thinks i cut for attention which is complete crap. if i make it till tomorrow which is extremly unlikely i'm going to consider telling my best friend everything she knows i self harm but she doesn't know how bad its getting.