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Im done.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by faeriegirl, Oct 8, 2015.

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  1. faeriegirl

    faeriegirl Active Member

    I dont want to go on anymore. I have been suffering so much pain for so long. I am constantly terrified. I dont trust anyone and am constantly waiting for the next terrible thing to happen.

    I spent the last 7 years of my life in an abusive marriage.......until my husband got sober a year ago. I still cant trust him. I grew up with an alcoholic father and have struggled with depression and anxeity since childhood. I am just constantly suffering.

    B3fore anyone suggests I go get some help......I have. I have been on at least 20 different meds. I have been in various modes of therapy for 10 years. Ive done yoga, supplements, light therapy. Nothing. It wouldnt make a difference if I was gone. I wont be leaving behind any children. No one needs me. The world would keep spinning. I am so very tired.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    When one gets so tired it is hard to see any light i am there with you on that but you would be missed I know you said you have tried treatment and meds therapy but each year new treatments come out I hope that reaching out here helps in that you can see you are not alone that people do hear you and care about you. Keep talking ok keep releasing your sadness here it helps
  3. Indigo Mouse

    Indigo Mouse New Member

    Dear faeriegirl,

    I am very sorry you feel so distressed. It is very difficult sometimes, and some of us have experienced lots of bad things, but I do hope that you will feel better soon and find something good in life.

    I also have experienced difficulty relating to people, failing to build trust, for one reason or another, and alone we can be "terrified" as you say. It is indeed a wicked world, but believe me, and I have thought carefully about this, if we do feel terrified then either we are not being objective or some people are actually being unkind or even worse. Furthermore, whatever we may think, no one has the right to take advantage. If these feelings are because of the behaviour of others, then it is natural to be afraid. How can we be sure. We must try to be objective I think, because then we can act more effectively. And I think a lot to do with feeling so bad is that we sometimes, very understandably in this troubled world, find it exceedingly difficult to know what to do for the best.

    If you are worried about bad things actually happening, what kind of things. What options may there be. I mean are you divorced or still living together. Do you still love him, or like him. Do you want a new life apart from him. There may be refuge centres for women or other kinds of help for example, maybe with information on the internet. Or haven't you arrived at a conclusion on the matter. Whatever, don't trouble yourself. Take things step by step.

    But most important is how you feel, as an individual. Whether or not at some point in time you may decide to take into consideration his feelings, you are free to choose. It's your life which is important now.

    As for medical support, some of them help, some don't. Myself I found no particular help from state and private help, although they have helped me to think a bit differently, a bit better. But generally I feel they don't really understand what's going on in the world, or if they at all do, they don't give the impression that they do. A lot of the problem is because the world politically is in such a mess, but that's not our fault, that's the system.

    I'm really sorry you have had a hard life, but I hope this crisis is a turning point, and that you will be able to find some happiness. Please don't give up. You say it wouldn't make a difference if you were "gone", but it would, because there would be one less person in this world, one less person who may one day be able to feel contentment and joy as anyone should. And we were created in this world for a reason, even if it is often less obvious from our personal background.

    Do you have any friends. Maybe you could talk to some one in person rather than on the internet. "A friend in need is a friend indeed" as the saying goes. If not then perhaps one day you may find some one who you can trust, and you can help each other.

    It can be hard I know, and I can't comment on your personal circumstances, because my life has been different. But please don't give up. Maybe if you feel bad you could do something to feel better - read a novel or something. Or if you feel really bad just try and sleep it off a little. And you must try and eat well and keep strong.

    Let me know how you are feeling, and if there is anything you would like to talk about.

    Yours sincerely, 'Indigo Mouse'
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome back to SF.

    Wow 20 different medications, that is a lot. Puts your body through a lot too. I know you feel you have tried EVERYTHING but could you leaving your partner be for the best, why stay with someone that you do not trust? It could have a positive impact in your life.

    Have you had ECT/CBT/DBT?
    I wish you all the best, just know we are here for you!
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Faeriegirl, I am so sorry for the pain that you are suffering, as well as the state of being constantly terrified. I can understand your lack of trust, who would not feel the same way, I am not going to suggest that you get help, you are right now in a fragile state, I would never suggest you see anyone at this time, you would have to make that call on your own and you need to be in a better place then you are right now before you do much else, I am glad that you came here, I hope that you can feel safe here as well as comfortable. I have just returned after 10 months of being away form here, this is the only place where I do feel I am able to relax and to try and be myself. I have talked to so many people here, as well as being able to see any of then when they are down as I can get, They are real, I feel safe, like I have no where else, I am not going to ask you to do anything, I believe you feel a need to be here so here is where you can be, no pressure, no pushing, take whatever time you need here. We care for and about you, I just ask you to be gentle on your self! I will be around if you ever want to talk!
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