I'm Done

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Mike_in_Crisis, Oct 14, 2015.

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  1. Well, my life sucks.
    I have Muscular Dystrophy, and I can't walk very well. Everything hurts all the time. Head, neck, back, sides, chest, hips, especially the legs. And I have knives in the bottoms of my feet. All the time. It NEVER STOPS.

    I'm 21 years old and I'm still a virgin. Pathetic, eh? Women don't even look me in the eye; they look down at my legs and then they look straight ahead. A smile once in awhile would be nice. When I was in high school I was scarred. I was coming out of class in my chair (I got to leave a few mins early for lunch bc I had to take the elevator), and I saw a girl standing with two of her friends. Now, I had hung out with this girl literally the day before this happened. Two of my friends, myself, and she all went to the mall together. I said, "What's goin' on?" She replied with a chuckle, "Nothing, just thinking about how funny it is that you're crippled." And her two friends started laughing at me.

    I've always known that the world is home to some wretched people, but this totally shocked me. I didn't know what to say, so I just turned around and made my way to the elevator. When I got inside I started crying like a little girl. I didn't know people could be so cruel and heartless. And I gave that fucking **** a ride home the night before.

    I don't go out much. If I do hang out with friends, it's usually just at my house. I hate going places with people. We'll still be in the parking lot and they'll be 50 feet ahead of me and I'll have to yell for them to wait up. They stop and wait for me to catch up, but in thirty seconds they're ahead of me again talking amongst themselves like I'm not even there. IF YOU ASK ME TO GO SOMEWHERE SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!!!!

    Fast forward five years and I'm still at square one; the doctors know that there is a problem with my muscles, but they don't know exactly what it is. "Just tell people you have MD," they said. I feel like I'm just getting milked for the insurance. The last time I saw my neurologist he said, "Well, I don't know if I'll see you again but have a nice day."

    So that's my shitty existence. All I want is a healthy body in which I could actually enjoy life. But that's not going to happen.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How cruel people can be but there are kind people too I hope you can find a different specialist one that will try harder to help you
  3. thanks, total eclipse.
  4. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Jesus Mike, I'm sorry you were handed such a rough deal. I'm a 20 year old virgin to by the way just as a side affect of being incredibly awkward, I know it's easy to start thinking there's something wrong with ourselves because of it, but it really doesn't mean anything no matter what other people might tell us. You have made a smart move by joining this site, we're all good people here and we enjoy helping each other out:)
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Mike , I am sorry, I can not even begin to imagine people like that, I have seen some hard cases but those chicks sure need some adjustment!

    It is bad enough dealing with strangers, there are plenty , but to have some one that you might know or are familiar with that sucks.
    I would bawl too, as far as you being pathetic, I don't believe that you are at all that girl you talked about is pathetic. I have as much respect for you Drs. too, there is no excuse for anyone talking to you that way that is unconscionable. I cannot in this day an age believe there are Medical people like that he does not even deserve to be called a Dr. I am a Veteran, I have seen and heard a lot of horror stories but that chick you mentioned really burns me I can Imagine how you mush have reacted and felt Mike, I would like to send you a PM I have a question that you may be able to help me with if you would please, I am here most of the time, I would like to ask you to hold on and hang in there, robroy is right this is the place that you should be right now, you will see there are people that care and to go the extra mile for you, YOU are important to us here, We all have needed to be here at one time or another please give us here a chance to see if we can help you, no promises but we will treat you like the person that you are, deserving of respect and our attention, no one here will put you down, if anything we will Try and build you Up, take care of yourself Mike, Be gentle on yourself and most of all please don't give up!
  6. Helge Møen

    Helge Møen New Member

    Yes Mike, I grant you, all of this is pretty shitty! And I am most likely the wrong person to advice you about anything but I will try! Your friends don't know that you are here spelling your guts about how you feel? They are still your friends so maybe you could tell them? Maybe not a 100% like you did here, but 9 out of 10 times they will respond in a positive way and tell you that they look upon you as an equal and just forgot about your special needs because ur their friend. Females? There are about 3.5 billion of them out there and half of them seems to be on a dating site of some kind! I promise you that some cute women out there will want you if you put yourself out there and tell about the real you. This is not something I say to make you feel better, I say it because its reality.. In my opinion, I am ugly as fu*k, but I still get women based on my personality
    If you are stil a virgin at 21, join the club! Men often brag (or lie) when it comes to that stuff .. Not like you will be a virgin forever! But If you still believe that, write down your good qualitys (because you have many) and I will finnd someon by the power of internet!
  7. RoseThorned

    RoseThorned Member

    Mike, I am so terribly sorry that you have been handed this fate. Your post actually brought me to tears, as my brother had severe spina bifida, and was in a wheelchair all of his life. He passed away earlier this year at age 33. Reading your experiences made me think of what he had to put up with his whole life, and it just breaks my heart. I can't believe how cruel that girl was, just unreal.

    I hope that you can get a clear answer as to what is really going on with you, because the worst thing is not knowing. I understand how frustrating doctors can be, when you wait months for an appointment only to be seen for five minutes, yet your insurance gets charged hundreds of dollars. It is a painstaking process, but if you feel as though your current doctor is not helping you I would look to get another. Don't give up.
  8. ToLaughAgainSomeDay

    ToLaughAgainSomeDay SF Supporter

    Hey Mike. I want to echo what others have said and let you know that you are welcome here and can always find someone to talk with. This is a judgement-free place as a lot of us experience many of the same emotions you have, but each in their own unique way. Think of your closest friend out of your group and maybe chat with him about some of what you're feeling? I know it's a struggle to go out with them but it sounds like they are still willing to go out with you and that's a plus! There are many so-called friends who will only hang out with people in certain situations or scenarios. As for being a virgin, as hard as it is to understand on that side of the fence, it really isn't such a big deal. A lot of people like to romanticize it and make others out to be inferior if they have not had sex, but in an objective world, that doesn't mean a thing. There are tons of women out there who would be proud that they were your first, no matter the age. Keep working on yourself, my friend. This was a great place to come to start.
  9. Thanks, robroy. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but it's hard not to. I already feel comfortable here.

    Thanks, True-Lee. It really helps. Feel free to message me anytime.
  10. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I will, I see that you feel comfortable, that is awesome, that is half the battle right there when you feel good and better then it changes the way you think and feel, it may not be an easy road, It will be a little Easier When You have ppl around you on Your side! It helps us as well when you feel better and are a positive individual, Things will go smoother for you an that is a good place to be! Mike be easy on your self, You did not ask for it, you don't deserve it! It will be my pleasure any time mike! keep your chin up high man, You are surrounded by Friends an People who care you are indeed in a good place! Any pleasure here is mine for having the chance to help you!
  11. Thanks, robroy. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but it's hard not to. I already feel comfortable here.

    Thanks, True-Lee. It really helps. Feel free to message me anytime.
    Thanks, Helge. Am I speaking with a Norwegian?

    RoseThorned, I am so sorry to hear about your brother.
    I was close to going to the Mayo Clinic a few months ago, but my neurologist said that I should see the local MDA clinic doc first. That was pointless. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and driving an hour and a half to wait for anywhere between 30 minutes to two hours, be seen for fifteen minutes, and to hear "I need to think about this more. I'll see you in (x) months." That's what they tell me every single time. It is indescribably frustrating.
    Thanks, ToLaughAgainSomeday. I've had my share of those types of friends, they've come and gone.
  12. Here's a quote I just came across, I think it's beautiful.

    "The chances of each of us coming into existence are infinitesimally small, and even though we shall all die someday, we should count ourselves fantastically lucky to get our decades in the sun." Richard Dawkins
  13. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Mike, Thank You for that.

    I hope that you are feeling a bit better today, I have not see you so I am hoping you are doing well!
  14. Hey, Lee. Well, I'm not feeling any better. But not much worse so I guess that's not terrible. It's getting really old, though. I just want to upload my brain to a computer so I don't feel anything.

    Thanks for checking in, it means a lot.
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I really liked the quote you posted. It made me think about a lot of things. I am sorry you have had to deal with so much. Forget about people who are cruel to you, they aren't worth a minute of your time. I hope that being a part of this site will help you.
  16. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Mike, from what you said, You seem to be holding your own, It will take a while to feel any effects of good feelings and good will that you will receive from here, I am serious, first they are not a tangible, these are emotions, they will accumulate. it is real none the less, not hearing any negatives, this is like building a house, I use a lot of metaphors in case you didn't or don't notice. It does not happen in a day, I know that you have to be aware of that, it is like all those negatives that you were living with, they didn't all happen in one day to make you feel bad, they accumulated an built up too, until you got sick of them they are the reasons you are here.

    I too have days I would like to upload my brain as well, the people that talk to you here are very supportive and willing to work with you to try and help, you have already acquired some people that will miss you when you are not here, I did yesterday, I don't know if anyone else left you a note. but they will be more aware of you when time goes on, aware if you when you are and when you are not here, you have made an impact here on some people, they will remember you they are like a family as well as friends, each person that comes in here makes a mark, you have! I noticed that you were not here, because You are important! We know you have a life outside of here, we also know that you are not doing well and some that come in here at first get a little overwhelmed, they might like to be alone, we have to learn if you are the former or the latter. We are here for you, we will respond, we are your friends now but you are welcome to be part of our family! Real as well as True! .

    I am going to be away for a while today, but there are others here, I will be back, FYI! I will check when I get back, :rolleyes:
  17. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hey mike, I am back again, I just want to check and see how you are doing, do you only show up in here late?
    I saw the last one was like after 11:30 pm so I didn't know if you have a schedule or something! that's kewl, I don't want to bug you or anything, I just want to check and see how you are doing if you need or want any thing send me a message any way you want, I will answer asap! I hope you are doing alright, I want you to be and keep safe, we are here for you! at your pace not ours!
  18. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Mike, I have missed you, maybe I am a little to pushy, I will back off a bit, I can get a little intense,If I have I am sorry, I do miss hearing from you and I know what being alone and isolating can do,,I do hope you will get a chance to come on, I know first hand how much good talking to others can do, I will be here if you decide you want to talk! no pressure no pushing.
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