I grew up with my mum and dad but my dad died when I was 13, he had Huntington's disease (My mum said she fell out of love with him because he was disabled) & I got tested for the disease and I have it too. It's basically killing my brain cells and I won't be able to walk, talk, eat or look after myself properly and I will have uncontrollable movements 24/7 - these symptoms are going to start when I'm 30 I know I'm only 19 now but I feel everyone else has a bright future apart from me. Also I have major anxiety I like to be alone, The only time I feel comfortable with people is when I'm drunk I'm always the 'shy one' and all my friends have bailed on me, I don't have a 'best friend' - all my 'friends' go out without inviting me and it sucks. I've had a boyfriend for 6 years we've been on and off (We first got together when we were 13) and I kept breaking up with him because of my anxiety (Even though he didn't actually know this I made up an excuse) I felt like I just needed my own space but I didn't actually want to break up with him it was the only option for time by myself & we would get with other people but they never lasted long because we would break up with them so we could get back together but in January he met this girl and they seem pretty serious, and I asked him if we could try again but he wanted to be with her...He is the only person that I've actually been in love with and the person I was closest too he was literally my bestest friend and now I've lost him, I'm just so angry, if I didn't have my anxiety problems I wouldn't of broken up with him in the first place and we would still be together. I started seeing this guy to try and get over him but it literally lasted 2 months because I had to break up with him even though I didn't want to, I just can't sleep over I HATE it, it literally makes me cry & I don't know why... I feel so trapped I can't even get a job, I had an apprenticeship and I was on a three month trail and they let me go... I did a month work at a bar/restaurant and they wouldn't hire me because I was too shy... I'm so done my life is so pathetic, even if I died the only people that would be there would be my family.