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Im done

#1
Hi, im totally done. Everyday i get headaches just running through scenarios and methods for my own suicide. Its all i want. I have BPD, chronic depression, anxiety, insomnia, Bulimia, i self harm. Atm im stuck in a starve-binge purge cycle. Im so miserable. I leave the house once a week to get meds, i get foodd delivered to the door. All i do is fantisize about my own death. Who will find me? How long will it take? Will i do it at home or somewhere else? So many questions. Ive been in the psyche ward twice already this year for suicide attampts. I failed. I dont want to fail again. Im totally done.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
i'm sorry you are suffering so much right mow @Eva_38 . i know it's so hard to want to keep living when our life is such a mess. but everything you mentioned is possible to get better. you may not have a perfect life but it doesn't have to be this bad. seek competent professional help. you may be able to get meds that work and a therapy that works or you. please keep talking we are listening to you. i hope you can find the help you need to get better...mike...*hug*shake
 
#4
Hi @Eva_38 ,
I think I know a little bit about what you’re going through, in some respects, and in others, more so by another once close to my heart. But in any case, I suppose that if you are currently seeking help / treatment, that it is either ineffective, for you - or that you do not wish to seek it (in the first place). . .
no worries either way/no matter what! Just know that help is out there— (in the form of medication & therapy). If I’m not mistaken -& I could be- eating disorders are if not classified technically as psychiatric conditions, they are best thought of & treated as such. Meaning that it is best helped by understanding, or getting to the root (cause) of what is making you do these destructive things to your body. Which, like any other ‘learned behavior,’ is going to be dang difficult to give up / break once it’s been established —(& furthermore); once you’ve reached this point; or crossed that threshold, your mindset or mental / cognitive state could also be somewhat compromised: not to mention the psychological traumas that are occurring. So, what I have seen some have success with are certain types of talk therapies, and guidance under the care of a psychiatrist. In addition to this, they also have special eating disorder clinics which may prove invaluable, given the nature of their specialty, and their ability to perhaps hone in on areas in a way that may be less focused on, or paid attention to - missed, etc (neglected, you get the gist/jist!) : ) but everybody’s different. You all have to find your own unique path. And what works for one may not work for the other. But you’ve got to give it a shot. I know that this may not sound or seem overly appealing right how given your current disposition and state. But— believe me, you’ve got a long ways to go to catch up to me if you’ve only been in “twice!” this past year. . . :^) good luck and kind regards. You can do this. All it takes is a little bit of hope. And then the wherewithal, or willingness to take
That first step in the proper / positive direction. I don’t think it can be done on ones own. Maybe, a small / minute fraction of the time. But odds are ‘willpower,’ alone - will not see you through. If it were that easy, not nearly so many people would be struggling so with it / these things... : )
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
Hi, im totally done. Everyday i get headaches just running through scenarios and methods for my own suicide. Its all i want. I have BPD, chronic depression, anxiety, insomnia, Bulimia, i self harm. Atm im stuck in a starve-binge purge cycle. Im so miserable. I leave the house once a week to get meds, i get foodd delivered to the door. All i do is fantisize about my own death. Who will find me? How long will it take? Will i do it at home or somewhere else? So many questions. Ive been in the psyche ward twice already this year for suicide attampts. I failed. I dont want to fail again. Im totally done.
Hi @Eva_38

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time, do you have anyone in real life you could speak with today? It seems kind of urgent judging by your post that you see someone and let them know how you are feeling, we will be here for you too.

May I ask if you have had any medication or therapy changes recently?

Please do not attempt to take your life but whatever age you are you have so much to live for once you manage to overcome and stabilise these disorders. Why do you only leave the house once a week? Anxiety? Are you on anti- anxiety medication?

I'm glad you survived your attempts because you can get better and life is for living and enjoying things, even little things. I know that can be very hard to see when you are as depressed as you are right now but slowly and surely with the right meds/therapy/support, you will get there.

Please post back later and let us know how you are, you're brave for telling us some of your story, well done.
 
#6
Im on Pregabalin and Propranalol for anxiety. Sertraline for depression. Topimirate for mood stabilisation. Haloperidol for psychosis. Mirtazipine for sleep which i dont take because it makes me binge. Im 38. I was first diagnosed with clinical depression at 14. Local community mental health services dont want anything to do with me because they say im all 'therapied out'. Ive had DBT, & CAT, & i had some compassion based therapy that was very traumatic and didnt help at all. Ive had a life, ive been married, divorced, i live alone now, few friends. I dont go out if i can help it, it feels unsafe outside. Im driving myself mad everyday, theres NO HELP for me, i just need to do it. I cant reach out irl. I just cant.
 

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