I don't even know why I'm here. I don't want help, just to go. I pray that God will take me in my sleep because I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I'm in financial ruin, have a job I love but it's sucking me dry, and have lived the past 10 years (if not whole life) for everyone else. I'm ready to put myself first and the only thing I want is to be done with this earth. Tonight it was made very clear to me that I don't even belong in the only family I have left. I'm almost 36 and have nothing to show for my life. No love, no children, no money, nothing. I'm just so damn tired. I just want to sleep forever.