I'm done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sicksadworld, Sep 22, 2008.

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  1. sicksadworld

    sicksadworld Member

    This pastime that I have, all of the self mutilation and the drugs. I'm tired of all of it. I've got nothing. My rent's past due and the landlord is beating on the door as I type. I have beat up computer my parents gave me before I failed my way out of college.

    I've been systematically annihilating all of my bridges. This is beyond isolation, no one understands anything so I just don't go out, not out there. I've boarded up all of the windows, you can't see from outside because the blinds are drawn but I don't want that poison leaking in here. I have been feeling so bad for so long and I am just done.

    I don't even feel it when I cut anymore, so i started burning myself, now my arms look like mosaics. The drugs keep me cool most of the time but I'm out again and feeling sick. I'm sick of feeling sick. Its been two weeks since I've spoken to another human being.

    I'm a 25 year old loser, and I'm done.
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I don't really know what to say, just I'm really sorry that you're in so much pain. I understand the isolating thing, I totally understand. If you ever want to talk about anything you can pm me.
    Everything you said seems to indicate something like depression, which you can get help for. You really should get some help, posting on here is the first step. But you can get out of this, can you go to your doctor or someone else? Please don't give up.
    Also I thought your post was really beautifully written, have you tried writing to express yourself?
  3. shoekstra1419

    shoekstra1419 Member

    it sounds like you need to give yourself more respect. you tried college....just not for you and thats perfectly ok. you are only twenty five i sware things will get better. just keep hanging on my prayers are with you
  4. sicksadworld

    sicksadworld Member

    I have never tried anything to express myself. To tell you the truth maybe I should have tried harder when people were listening. Then I came here, and I’m still not sure why. Maybe I just figured that I could make it another effigy to burn, maybe I’m crying for help, as sad as that sounds.

    When I think about it really hard I can picture myself before and I hate myself more for what I am now. It feels like there is something locked in my mind and screaming all the time and like I have a throat full of broken glass, snot, and puke.
  5. sicksadworld

    sicksadworld Member

  6. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    that's cool, your style of writing is so raw and expressive. Definitely keep going...you need to get it out or it just gets forced out with self harm, anger, drugs and other things which just make you feel worse in the end. But if you do something artistically or whatever you can turn all that anguish and negative feeling into something beautiful that'll make you feel proud.
    Reaching out for help is nothing to be ashamed of btw, everyone has to sometimes.
  7. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    true story :yes:
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