Hey Amber - I hope that whatever it is that makes you feel this way is something you can let us know about - it matters not what it is as people here will not judge nor be shocked or disappointed and so on.
If you have written a note - tear it up which cancels ANY contract with yourself.
If you love your parents, grandparents, siblings or anyone - then bear in mind suicide might destroy their lives.
Your mum and dad, for sure, would endure more pain than you ever endured. In some ways suicide does not end our pain - it merely passes it on for others to carry.
I've suffered depression myself for a long time - likely had it before you were born - but I'm still here and glad I never done for myself.
I'm not sure what your reasons for being depressed are but we don't actually need a reason - and might on the outside, look visibly 'normal'. I read some story of a poor girl in the UK who went to a psych ward and hung herself there - supposedly under a watchful eye. Her parents stated the daughter was extremely good looking (which she was, poor girl) and each day she got clean and put on make up which might make the unobserved eye assume all is well.
Anyhow, don't keep things to yourself - talk to your family at least - I hope and pray you have a good family - but regardless you have people here who really do care about you and want to see you live.
Life has so much waiting for you - good things, which make the heart get happy and the soul get glad. Even if your depressed, you can still have a life which is rewarding and one in which you can soar into the highest echelons of your chosen field, be it academia or the arts or whatever. For most of us - even an 'ordinary' life can be one in which you win great struggles just raising your children right - and living a life which is one of honour.
There are instances in which suicide might be deemed honourable. Samson in the Bible, his strength stolen by the cutting of his hair - his people enslaved by tyrants, pushed over the pillars causing himself certain death and perhaps hundreds of others also.
For most people who commit suicide, it is usually a case of them carrying around the burden which takes shape the longer you leave it. It turns from 'thoughts of' to some actual steps towards making a plan.
The less inclined you are to even tell someone about suicide, the more the odds increase. In some ways - the 'miracle' of the internet allows people to speak of that which is always been some dark thought prowling about the landscape of your mind.
The people who do seek help are the more likely to be the ones who, whilst still thinking about suicide, will not be taking steps to do it - or allowing the mind to dwell on it so much.
So, seek help is my general advice - and try not to have such a dark view of the world or such a low opinion of yourself. You matter - and there is a place in this life for you - a niche, a role - something to be!
I hope and pray your tears of sadness will be tears of joy before the year ends. If you feel suicidal now - odds are it will take a while before you wake up most days and really feel alive - and that life is worth living. All you need is for you to connect with someone or something - because we others around us whatever we do in life. We need our own company also but when young, I hope most most young people can socialise with each other - be there for each other and don't let the world become the same sh**hole with liars running things!
But even though the world is often insane - we live in hope that each new generation can change things. After all if we support each other - even things like depression become so much more tolerable.
I hope you tear your note up - and face up to getting help because it is WAY easier than whatever it is you have planned for your demise.
If you have the reckless courage to take your own life - me-thinks you have some courage that can save it.
My boyfriend came home from work early and took the pills before I could even try to OD.
It's just I'm not getting along with my family right now and they're almost constantly putting me down. My grandfather told me something that made me feel like shit.
I was getting therepy but it wasn't really working so I stopped. I guess I could go back, but I doubt It'll make a difference.