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I'm doomed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DownInAHole, Jun 18, 2007.

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  1. DownInAHole

    DownInAHole Active Member

    I hate the USA

    I could save my life if I had access to marijuana. Recently I drove 3000 miles to California to get a prescription for it. I got the prescription but couldn't fill it because I wasn't an established resident. My credit isn't good enough to get an apartment out there and I don't function without my "medical marijuana".

    The amount of bitterness and hate inside me is more than I can handle. Suicide is ALWAYS on my mind but I dread actually doing it. I wasn't a bad person and didn't deserve the hell I've gone through. If and when I kill myself it'll either be a <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>

    For some reason I just can't live without marijuana. It's not a wonder drug and has it's negatives but it completely cures any depression or suicidal thoughts I'd ever have. Unless my supply is threatened of course.

    This situation has been going on for about 8 years now. I live in complete isolation (except some immediate family). I'm sociable if I have my herb.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2007
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you can't get the help in the way you think you need it. There are many things available to help with depressive thoughts, but so frustrating when you find something that works and it is denied to you. Is there nothing else you have found that works? I do hope you are able to resolvr things soon. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
  3. rd9671

    rd9671 Guest

    Well, there is always the option of moving to Amsterdam:) if that doesnt work out you can always try 'salvia' it is a legal herb available in the us. I have heard that it works well.
  4. DownInAHole

    DownInAHole Active Member

    Nothing else has worked. I'm probably going to try an anti-depressant. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in 6 WEEKS (soonest available - so pathetic). I'm just stalling though. I know what's coming eventually. I'd love to be surprised though and have some pill actually work. I've reluctantly tried anti-depressants in the past and they didn't change anything. I've realized that anything that'd work for me would be illegal in this country.
  5. rd9671

    rd9671 Guest

    Not all anti depressants are created equally, not to mention that they can take a fairly long time to become efective so a lot of patience is required when starting on the med train. It can take a while but you may find something that works. just keep trying.
  6. universalguide

    universalguide New Member

    HAHAHA are you fucking serious salvia! That shit will either make you kill yourself or scare the shit out of you reveling infinity which is what your in for if you off yourself hahaha salvia DONT SMOKE SALVIA well unless you want your reality sent sideways and all kinda of interesting being tearing you to peices.
  7. DownInAHole

    DownInAHole Active Member

    From what I've read about salvia divinorum I don't think it'd be an adequate replacement for cannabis sativa. I hate spending all my money on herb and dealing with the black market. No place to grow.
  8. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hiya :smile:.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so low and so desperate. I definitely sympathise with the marijuana thing.

    The thing is, you says it's the only thing that's worked for you, you say it cures your suicidal thoughts and eases your depression, but still you say you don't want to have to pay for it? I know what you mean about the fact that it's illegal, but it's hardly hard to come by. And whilst it's not cheap, if you moderate your use (which is something you should be doing anyway) it isn't extortionate. Especially if you get a job (even a part time one).

    At the end of the day, you have to make a decision about what is worth what. You may decide, as I have, that the moderate expense and the small risk of minor prosecution are well worth while for the sake of easing your depression for a few hours or days. On the other hand, you may decide that you'd rather deal with the depression than spend the money and do something illegal. It's your choice - but I would say that pretty much anything that keeps you alive and vaguely functional is okay (provided you don't hurt anyone else). Just a thought.

    I will echo what others have said about anti-depressants though, you might find one that works well for you, then the cannabis wouldn't be a necessity. Also, you might find that the therapy makes a big difference.

    I hope things improve for you soon.

    Take care :hug:

    ~Nobody~ x

    EDIT: Oh, one other thing. You say you hate the USA because you don't have access to prescription cannabis. At least some states over there have seen sense a bit - it's outright illegal in the UK :dry:.
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