I'm trying to put myself past this depression thing. I'm trying to put on a smile, I'm trying to act like things don't bother me; like I want to do things, like I'm not gaining a ton of weight. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful 24/7, but that doesn't mean that if things don't change his mind won't change. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of constant headaches, I'm tired of always feeling sick, I'm tired of constantly expanding. I've tried to make myself comfortable with always being the big girl. But I feel like I am making an excuse, and allowing this to happen. I just don't know what to do anymore. These efforts to be normal have absolutely no emotion behind them. I'm suffering in silence so that people will stop asking me if I'm okay. They don't understand that it gets old and doesn't help. I feel so selfish for wanting people to actually do something instead of just asking if I'm okay. Even if I do say no, I feel stupid and it creates that awkward silence because they get an answer they don't want to hear. But I have no motivation to do it myself. My grades suck so bad and I am just drowning in this thing. How did I let myself get here. How much longer can I take this? Not much longer, I can say that..