I'm drowning.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by partylpoison, Mar 4, 2016.

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  1. partylpoison

    partylpoison Active Member

    Six years ago, I started fighting against depression. After two years of sleeping with the prayers that I will never wake up again, of everyday thoughts and attempts to take my own life, and of pain and hate, I found new hopes and reasons to keep walking and moving forward. I felt proud to feel like I won the war against my very self. But it wasn’t long enough for me to establish a new life and to absorb the whole thought that I am starting to mend my wounds, these new found hopes and reasons started to fade until it’s gone. The little light that I’ve seen in my horizon has gone. My world was shattered and was thrown to darkness. So why is that? I felt like being played. Life keeps hitting me. No matter how much I tried to fight, it hit me again even before I stand and get back up. So what’s the sense of bouncing back? Now, I am on the same battle again, lost and afraid of not being able to win. Wounded with the cuts on my wrist, numb with pain killers, with eyes that never run out of tears…I’m just so damn tired…
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* I am so sorry everything seems so hopeless.

    I am proud of you though, for having been fighting already, you did it before and you can do it again!

    Have you ever had any therapy or counseling? Those thoughts can be so hard to fight against alone, you did it before, and wow! But getting some support and techniques to deal with your thoughts and urges would do you good.

    Do you have anything that makes you feel better? any hobbies you can indulge in? Anything (healthy!) to keep your hands and head busy for a while.
  3. partylpoison

    partylpoison Active Member

    The situation is I am someone whom everybody thought as a happy person. Then when I started my fight against depression, things started to change. I've became someone whom no one could notice my presence and no one will miss me when I'm gone. I don't know, it's just unfair.
    Yes you're right. I did it before, but in the end of it I lose. So why do I try. I'm tired.
  4. LookWithin

    LookWithin Member

    Hi PartylPoison,

    I'm wondering - do you remember what it was that brought you that measure of happiness and lifted you out of your depression?
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