I don't know if I feel terrible because of my monotonous life or because of the fact that I am drunk or because I am up late again by myself. I thought the fact that my father called me an alcoholic was funny. I refuse to admit that I am an alcoholic but I do feel comfortable admitting that I have problems with alcohol. I don't know why I drink so much. It makes me feel good and terrible simultaneously. That's why I drink I suppose, the good part. But I don't know. I feel bad and I wish it would stop. The worst part is that I don't understand it, both when I am sober and intoxicated. I'll figure it out someday I hope.