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Im ending too this month

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BrokenChaos, May 17, 2012.

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  1. BrokenChaos

    BrokenChaos Member

    Ive been a member here since 2008
    Im in my late 40's now and it never got better

    Ive been institutionalized 3 times and been in hospital countless other times.

    Ive been going through this hell since I was 19 and I kept hoping... nope, nothing changes

    I went to Thailand 4 years ago to do the deed there and ended up living here

    At the end of the month, I will be homeless in a country that is not mine.

    Ive been thinking about this for at least 6 months now, how I will do it and it will simply be at a <edit mod total eclipse method> for tourists.

    No point contact the AU govt... last time I spoke with them, they told me that they cannot do anything for me.

    I am a swedish citizen and last time I went to renew my passport they said I am not swedish and refused to give it to me... Eventually they did, but as you can see, I really dont have any country I can call mine.
    I was born in Argentina and I renounced my citizenship as a baby for reasons my parents had.

    So as you can see... I am in a hole... I have nothing as I was terminated last month with no severance pay, so I am in a place I dont want to be... Broke and Homeless with nothing to keep going for!

    Ive been getting by without medication for the last 4 years by cutting (I am Bi Polar and cutting relieves the thoughts)

    Ive been struggling for 20 years now.. it doesnt get better and in my case, I just hit rock bottom.

    I live in Thailand and quite frankly, I have no idea what they will do with me... ship me to AU (i dont live there)... ship me to sweden, (I dont live there and they barely recognize my existence) or ship me to Argentina... (I dont live there)

    A man with no identity is hard to live with....

    Im not bitter... Ive travelled this road many times and I am genuinely sure its time now...

    My name is <edit mod total eclipse real name deleted> lived most of my life in Australia and finished it here in Thailand! :chuncky:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2012
  2. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I don't want live either. Life sucks. What pisses me off is people prejudging me like if I have been a lazy person. I did all I could and worked countless hours all my life but all I get at the end is ill health and crappy living conditions. I guess some of us are not meant to flourish and thrive. that's okay, death will come eventually.
  3. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew what to say to this...

    I guess that all I can really say is that I hope both of you find a reason to keep on living. Though I know how hard that can be. You're not the only ones who feel cast aside by life. I've been there; I AM there. I know exactly what it feels like, and I struggle every day. I wish we could all find what we needed to hold on. :sad:
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