I'm envious of other people...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by trux, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    This is something I just realized, and that's something which really kill me inside : I envy people around me, everyone. What hurts me the most is I know I'll never be like them, pretty-looking, pleasant, wanted, needed, loved.
    I guess that's one of my problems you could put a name on. I really want not to think like that anymore, but how can I if things remain this way?
     
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i think you need some self confidence, and that`s why you envy other people success. I wish i had a formule or a potion to make it al better, but you need to find the answer yourself. instead of wanting to be what they are, why don`t you try to improve in the things you`re good at? (everyone is good at something)no matter how hard things are, you know you can always come to us...^^
     
  3. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I don't get any reward from improving myself in the things I'm good at, as they don't help me feel better. And it's hard not wanting to be what they are when I'm so alone, so isolated from everyone else. There is not one single thing in my life that could convince me that all I have to do is keep being myself. But you're right when you say that I need self-confidence, I need lots of it...
    Anyway this is a tiny part of all the things that are affecting me right now, I just felt like I needed to "let it out".
     
  4. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    would you like to let out some more? i`m here to listen if you want^^
     
  5. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I've already told about this in earlier posts. To sum it up I have a bunch of physical problems, I'm alone as in no friends and no one to talk to, people don't understand me and I don't understand them, I feel like I'm an outcast, people think I'm weird and make fun of me, and no matter how hard I try none of those things change. The physical ones won't change anyway, doctors told me this, and the relations I keep with everyone aren't changing either. And also, the girl that I love, the only one who used to smile at me, the one person who managed to make me happy for a while, is letting me down. She didn't love me although I used to be one of those she liked the most, but for some reason I'm now one of those she hates the most. Mix all of what I just said, and you may get why I feel so depressed.

    Thank you for listening...
     
  6. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    Well i guess that seeing it from that point of view, life sucks.But bring weird is not bad..What is weird? something that is not common, the word for"special" but with despite.I`m weird aswell but i`m proud of it, when people says : oh girl you`re F***ing crazy!, i say yeah! i know! with a huge smile...Be proud you of your defects, of your weak points, laugh at them as if it wasn`t important at all. Friends?? i won`t tell you they`re not necessary but theey always srew it up, or leaving alone when you most need them, and sometimes its better to be alone..you know why? because that way you`ll be able to connect with yourself, make a bond between your body and soul(or mind if you`re not a believer) You just need to know that no matter what happens around you, you`ll have here someone to listen,someone who cares about you=D
     
  7. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I used to believe I'd be better off alone, but frankly it feels much better when you know people care about you and when you know you can count of them. Unfortunately it's been a while I haven't been able to rely on anyone, much less seen anyone who like me. I can't stand being so alone anymore...
    Maybe you care about me as you say, but whenever I turn my computer off and go out, it's all the same again.
    I would feel better if I just accepted myself the way I am, no matter what everyone else is or say, but I can't do that, I'm not strong enough.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2008
  8. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    this is not envy trux..this is a desire of a new life! And unfortunately you`re the one who must build it.have you ever gone to a councelor or someone to talk about thisface to face?
    Lonelyness is very hard to beat, because makes harder to make friends, to go out, to even pickup a phone call...but this can be the beggining of a new yourself trux.trust yourself a little bit more. Make yourself feel special in some way, buy yourself chinense food (or the one you like) to share to yourself! Get on your best clothes just to be with yourself(it sounds silly i know) the more lonely you feel,the more lonely you get because inconsiously you take people away.To that girl...Why don`t you write a letter for her, or an email?
     
  9. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I've always been reluctant to go see a counsellor, but now I think that's the only thing left to do. If that doesn't work, I don't think I will be able to bear that pain much longer. I know I need to trust in myself, but because of the way everyone acts towards me I'm not able to do that.
    About that girl, I've already asked her what's wrong, several times, both in real and through email, but it never goes right. She seems she's acting like everything is normal, maybe that's the way she sees it but that's really not my point of view. And I know that things between us will never be like they used to be. One "funny" coincidence : she was online on msn about 5 mins ago, and the minute after she was gone. This didn't use to happen before, and I'm quite sure she disconnected because she doesn't want to talk to me. Another reason for me to feel great today!
     
  10. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    you really should punch a pillow or something like that now. Or get out to take a walk or something. Staying alone in home when you feel down is the worst that you can do. i know how you feel about that "funny"coincidence, really i know how it hurts, and how unable to do something about it you must feel, but counselling will help, not in a week, but in a month you should notice a little difference. Take care very well of yourself trux,really, you seem to be a good person, don`t let this rough times change your way to live.

    and you are strong enough, but you just need to start believing in yourself!=D
     
  11. trux

    trux Well-Known Member

    I don't really feel angry right now, just empty, very empty. I'm glad you think I'm a good person, I think I am, but why does life have to be so unfair then? Some people say that I'm too nice, yet they are mean and distant.
    thank you for your time, it was nice to talking to someone at least. I'm gonna try to believe in myself, even though every time I'm close to it there is always something that reminds me how different I am...
     
  12. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    I`m off to sleep now but think you`re special if you are trying to get better, you are avoiding the easy wayout, you stay and fight, and that makes you a survivor, and i really think you`ll find someone who worths your love someday, you just need to be happy with who you are first, love yourself to shine and show the world what they`re misssing! take care and pm me if you need it^^