I'm escalating again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FutureSeek, Jul 31, 2008.

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  1. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member

    Obviously this is nothing new; I go through this on a cyclical basis. But it's getting worse. This time I decided to try and find a forum to help me cope. But all I seem to be doing is getting worse. The AM is the worst, when all the animal rescue emails are in my inbox, wanting me to do something, plus my work is backed up because I'm not functioning well, and my homework is falling behind because I can't fucking THINK.

    Now I've been working out a plan. I'm home so little anymore the dogs are shifting their focus to my wife; they don't need me.

    SHE has enough on her plate; all she needs is her own PTSD plus all my rescue dogs that I've abandoned her with. The meds are going to help in time; I'll be on some sort of effing rollercoster while they even out, and my appt isn't even for another month.

    I'm so all over the place; one sane post to someone who I think I can offer something to, then my own craziness maybe I post it and maybe I don't.

    I think I need to get off these forums, suicide, sexual abuse, depression. They're not helping. I don't know what is going to help. I so fucking need a break.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good Morning Future Think,
    You need to call your doctor and ask is it possible to squeeze you in sooner because you are in crisis. You need to let them know how it is going on the meds. It sounds to me that your meds aren't balanced yet. If you can't get in sooner then you need to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't hurt to print your thread and let them look at it in case you forget something. One of the side effects of my meds is short term memory loss. I have been an avid reader, and the meds I am on now I just can't focus on the books.
    Let them know who your doctor is so they can call him and compare notes. Who knows he might get off his butt and come to the hospital. Good luck to you and I hope to see more of you around the forum. If you need to talk to someone feel free to PM me!!
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It does take times for the meds to work and I am glad you realize that. Give them that time. It would not hurt to call your doctor and let them know how things are going. If they can't get you in any earlier, maybe they can at least do a phone consult or something. If you get to the place where you feel you are risk of harming yourself, then go to the emergency room and tell them. Your wife and those preciaous dogs need you. Don't let them or yourself down. This is an obstacle along your journey, but you can beat it. :hug:
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Im sorry to hear things are bad right now.
    Meds take a fair amount of time to get into the system and work so please give them time, it's not an overnight thing, sadly.
    You have so many people who care and who need you around, don't ignore that, embrace it. See that you are cared for and that people want you around and just keep trying.
  5. FutureSeek

    FutureSeek Member

    Well, I was home for the first time all week last evening and the dogs would not leave me alone. Once they got their love and pets and a walk they settled down at my feet and I actually got some homework done. And I found some energy to pet my wife too. (I'm a good petter).

    I am turning off all the animal rescue emails, all except the one bad situation I already promised to try and help.

    Everyone is telling me to get some Rx from my MD until I can get into the Psych, but I don't know; I guess I will try.

    Two books on surviving suicide came in the mail last night.

    Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide by Jamison, Kay Redfield

    Out of the Nightmare: Recovery from Depression and Suicidal Pain by Conroy

    I'm still waiting for my wife to be out of the house so I can find the g** and put it in my truck just in case. I just want to hold it and look at it again. I am fighting it.

    "Once the dark knight has been in play he will always be an option." Jamison

    Thank you for your responses, it's so unusual for anyone to respond to me beyond social pleasantries, in the real world, on forums, anyhwere. I will find a way to be ok
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