I've attempted suicide three times, been hospitalized twice, go to counseling, take anti-depressants, try to keep my life in order... but I'm just so exhausted. It seems like I can't get any relief. The drugs and the counseling help, but I'm still struggling so hard... I'm diagnosed with OCD and have major depression as a side effect. Right now my house is a complete mess. It bugged me all day. I didn't want to leave my room because I didn't want to be in the gross messy house, but I did, and I tried all day to clean the house, but my two kids were screaming and hanging off my legs every time I did anything but play with them. I managed to do some dishes, but that's it! I feel like a complete loser! I feel like I can't live one more second in this mess! I clean and clean and clean and clean and it's always messy again two seconds later. I can't have people over because they give me looks about the toys on the floor or the dishes in the sink. Yeah, I have a hard time keeping my house clean. I also live in a really old house that smelt like cat pee and mould when I moved in and it has always had a funny smell and I can't stand it! People think I'm some kind of slob because my house smells funny! I shampoo the carpets over and over again, I mop, clean teh drains, wash the curtains - everything I can think of, and it's never clean enough! It sounds really stupid but sometimes I feel like I'd rather just kill myself than face this on-going struggle. I mean, it's not just the house. It's my whole life. I can't keep up. I'm not even a proper OCD-sufferer, because my house is messy a lot of the time, and I can't remember or pay attention to anything that I'm not obsessed with. Sometimes I get obsessed with something and neglect the house, then the house is dirty, then I'm so disgusted by it that I can't leave my bedroom, so it gets worse. The worst part is, there's no satisfaction after it's clean. It's never clean enough. There aren't enough hours in the day to get the house clean enough, and I live with two toddlers, three dogs, two cats, and a husband who loves to leave junk all over the place. I just want the torment to end!