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I'm fairly convinced that my existence doesn't matter

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Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#1
I don't know if it would really matter if I wasn't around anymore. People can look past me like I'm not even there. I was just numb earlier, because I'm fed up with everything. I have a friend that always asks if I'm mad at him. I'm kind and caring, but people still think the worst of me. I walked home in the pouring rain while people drove past me like I'm invisible. No one at work offered me a ride home because they could care less. It was lightning along the way and I thought it wouldn't be so bad if it struck me. I might have some medical issues going on and that seems to give me more reason to check out. I'm tired all the time, exhausted with life really, and don't want to keep doing this.
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#2
It matters to me, I would not wish suicide on my worst enemy. I am tired too I dont know where some get the energy sometimes. I did drink a 5 hour energy one time and I felt like a tweaker cleaning all day. I did not eat much when I drank it lesson learned a person needs to eat alot when drinking it. I wish you all the best and more I am sorry that nobody gave you a ride home and watched you walk in the rain. I would have given you a ride but you would have to had help me clear all the beer cans off the floor lol. :)
 

Jinis40

Well-Known Member
#4
I feel the same way about life and although it's not the best way to put it, I'm tired of being tired. I've even been walking out in the rain and splashed with water from cars driving by me and it just made everything worse; having to walk home alone with soaked socks and shoes. That sucks how your friend thinks you are mad at him, too. I can totally see why you are feeling this way but I can see that you matter to a lot of people here and I know I haven't talked to you much yet but I care, too.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#5
Well, things are worked out with my friend. I think he feels the same way I do a lot of the time. I don't know why I matter to people, I don't matter to myself. But I do appreciate the caring comments, it makes me feel less alone.
 

Jinis40

Well-Known Member
#6
Personally, I feel better when I come here because I see the same people and recognize names. It's a comfort to have a semblance of consistency or normality when everything else is going wrong and out of my control. You're one of the unique people that I'm glad to see and read comments from because you always have something to add to the conversation or you say something nice or funny. I look forward to talking to you more in the future, if that's OK to say and I'm glad it worked out with your friend.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#7
Of course and I look forward to talking to you more as well. :) This is a great place and has helped me through some of my darkest days. But the strongest battle is the one inside of me and I need to try and overcome the bad thoughts.
 

HumanExMachina

A known unknown
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#12
Because a lot of times they do, or treat me like I am bad. Now it's ingrained in me that I am.
The way to overcome that is to understand and really take on board the fact that the opinions of others aren't in any way more valid, insightful or relevant than your own. Remember, an awful lot of people aren't very bright, Witty. When someone who barely knows me or knows me not at all seems to have a low opinion of me, I understand that I'm dealing with a member of the Not Too Bright Brigade, and file their opinion in the appropriate place (flushing sound effect).
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#13
The way to overcome that is to understand and really take on board the fact that the opinions of others aren't in any way more valid, insightful or relevant than your own. Remember, an awful lot of people aren't very bright, Witty. When someone who barely knows me or knows me not at all seems to have a low opinion of me, I understand that I'm dealing with a member of the Not Too Bright Brigade, and file their opinion in the appropriate place (flushing sound effect).
Lol I guess I can keep that in mind. It will give a laugh at least, so I won't feel as bad.
 

WildCherry

Staff member
ADMIN
#14
You do matter to people. I think when you get really down, you lose sight of that, the negative thoughts take over. Those are the times to come back and look at your posts and read replies, because you'll be able to see that you matter.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#17
No not people here...everyone here is pretty great. I mean people that I encounter in my everyday life and those I have met throughout my life. Just need to tune them out.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#20
Everyone ends up hating me, so I don't want to bother anymore. I'm just done trying. You guys have helped a lot but I don't want to be any more of an annoyance than I already have been.
 
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