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I'm fairly convinced that my existence doesn't matter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't know if it would really matter if I wasn't around anymore. People can look past me like I'm not even there. I was just numb earlier, because I'm fed up with everything. I have a friend that always asks if I'm mad at him. I'm kind and caring, but people still think the worst of me. I walked home in the pouring rain while people drove past me like I'm invisible. No one at work offered me a ride home because they could care less. It was lightning along the way and I thought it wouldn't be so bad if it struck me. I might have some medical issues going on and that seems to give me more reason to check out. I'm tired all the time, exhausted with life really, and don't want to keep doing this.
     
  2. MarvelFan

    MarvelFan Vanity of Vanities

    It matters to me, I would not wish suicide on my worst enemy. I am tired too I dont know where some get the energy sometimes. I did drink a 5 hour energy one time and I felt like a tweaker cleaning all day. I did not eat much when I drank it lesson learned a person needs to eat alot when drinking it. I wish you all the best and more I am sorry that nobody gave you a ride home and watched you walk in the rain. I would have given you a ride but you would have to had help me clear all the beer cans off the floor lol. :)
     
    Jinis40 and Witty_Sarcasm like this.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Geez, you better not be drinking while driving. I think I'll have to pass if that's the case. :p
     
    Jinis40 likes this.
  4. Jinis40

    Jinis40 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way about life and although it's not the best way to put it, I'm tired of being tired. I've even been walking out in the rain and splashed with water from cars driving by me and it just made everything worse; having to walk home alone with soaked socks and shoes. That sucks how your friend thinks you are mad at him, too. I can totally see why you are feeling this way but I can see that you matter to a lot of people here and I know I haven't talked to you much yet but I care, too.
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Well, things are worked out with my friend. I think he feels the same way I do a lot of the time. I don't know why I matter to people, I don't matter to myself. But I do appreciate the caring comments, it makes me feel less alone.
     
    Jinis40 likes this.
  6. Jinis40

    Jinis40 Well-Known Member

    Personally, I feel better when I come here because I see the same people and recognize names. It's a comfort to have a semblance of consistency or normality when everything else is going wrong and out of my control. You're one of the unique people that I'm glad to see and read comments from because you always have something to add to the conversation or you say something nice or funny. I look forward to talking to you more in the future, if that's OK to say and I'm glad it worked out with your friend.
     
    SBV24, gypsylee and Witty_Sarcasm like this.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Of course and I look forward to talking to you more as well. :) This is a great place and has helped me through some of my darkest days. But the strongest battle is the one inside of me and I need to try and overcome the bad thoughts.
     
    Jinis40 likes this.
  8. A Hopeless SOD named Bill

    A Hopeless SOD named Bill Well-Known Member

    when did you start feeling like this? having to walk home in the rain does suck. I'm sorry you had to go thru that!
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I always feel like that. It is raining today but at least I got a ride. He is new to the area, guess that explains why he was so nice. :p
     
    MarvelFan likes this.
  10. chinaandback

    chinaandback Active Member

    Obviously, you are important here! :) and would absolutely be missed. Why do you think people think the worst of you? Knowing the biggest battle is within yourself is half the battle. You got this.
     
    Witty_Sarcasm and Stijn like this.
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Because a lot of times they do, or treat me like I am bad. Now it's ingrained in me that I am.
     
  12. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    The way to overcome that is to understand and really take on board the fact that the opinions of others aren't in any way more valid, insightful or relevant than your own. Remember, an awful lot of people aren't very bright, Witty. When someone who barely knows me or knows me not at all seems to have a low opinion of me, I understand that I'm dealing with a member of the Not Too Bright Brigade, and file their opinion in the appropriate place (flushing sound effect).
     
  13. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Lol I guess I can keep that in mind. It will give a laugh at least, so I won't feel as bad.
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You do matter to people. I think when you get really down, you lose sight of that, the negative thoughts take over. Those are the times to come back and look at your posts and read replies, because you'll be able to see that you matter.
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  15. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thank you, I need to keep that in mind. Sometimes I feel like people would be better off without me, but I know that's not the case.
     
    WildCherry likes this.
  16. MarvelFan

    MarvelFan Vanity of Vanities

    What people? Like us people or people around you? I would not be better without anyone here. Also I recycle cans and put the bags on my floor board, so you would be safe with ride from me to a point lol
     
    Witty_Sarcasm and HumanExMachina like this.
  17. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    No not people here...everyone here is pretty great. I mean people that I encounter in my everyday life and those I have met throughout my life. Just need to tune them out.
     
  18. MarvelFan

    MarvelFan Vanity of Vanities

    Well you have met me and a few others so we can be your friends too. I will keep the crazy aside and throw out the rubber chickens lol
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  19. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    No, I like those. I have one of my own lol
     
  20. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Everyone ends up hating me, so I don't want to bother anymore. I'm just done trying. You guys have helped a lot but I don't want to be any more of an annoyance than I already have been.