Im falling apart....pls help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jenj, Oct 6, 2009.

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  1. jenj

    jenj Member

    i've reached the point of giving up, i want to die, i have had enough of living like this, i am causing terrible pain to my husband and children, being this way but i have tried and i just cant stop it. i have written a letter for my boys and husband and now im ready but im scared i want things to go back to the way they were but i cant live like this. i love them all so so much but i think they will be better off if i die and stop being a burden to them, im so anxious and paranoid and depressed and i cant stop crying im at home alone with my boys, my husband will be back soon and i want to take some pills before he gets back so i can give them all a kiss and go off for a sleep, i just want to tell them i love them first i dont know what to do and im losing it.
  2. planechaser

    planechaser Well-Known Member

    i think it would hurt your boys even more without you in their lives..have you tried speaking with your husband and having a heart to heart with him? just hold on...tomorrow may be a better day
  3. History

    History Well-Known Member

    I felt exactly like you for the past 6 months until just a few days ago. I also could not go on like this. Everyday is a torture. How could I live on like this? I can't snap out of it and I can't go on living feeling like this. How long more could I go on? I really need to end it all. All those suicidal urges and feelings, they don't go away. Everyday, I feel the same thing. and tried so many meds and none worked at all. All made me feel like a zombie or very stoned or simply gave me a weird unbearable feeling. Hopeless and can't see any way out. There is no solution at all and all I want is to die.

    Then after 6 months of trying various anti-depressants, my doc prescribed me Effexor and the very next day, my thoughts changed, the horrible lousy way I feel was gone and my suicidal urges disappeared. I dont feel stoned / Zombie-like at all and it's as if my depression lifted.

    What I'm trying to put forth here is to see a doc and keep trying various meds until one works for you. I for one, never believed that there were any chemical changes in my brain because my depression is caused by real life circumstances which I have lost total hope in and cannot solve. But little did I know that chemical imbalance did occur in my brain making me feel absolutely horrible and suicidal and my thoughts automatically became extremely negative. With so many anti-depressants failing to work at all for me, I believed that I was treatment resistant and strongly felt that anti-depressants do not solve real life problems. You must see a doc.
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It would hurt your boys if you leave them this way. They would blame themselves, they would never understand. My daughters were 9 and 13 when I tried to kill myself. It was very devastating to them and it has taken us a long time to work it through.

    Please stay, post here, and we'll be here for you.

  5. jenj

    jenj Member

    thankyou all. Im feeling okay again now, my husband came home i told him what i was going to do, we had a talk then i went and had a sleep. Its great to have peoples support.

    History- i am on effexor now, 300mgs, they work, its the other stuff that makes me feel terrible, strong sleeping tablets and strong mood stabilisers, i want too see abour having them reduced but am scared doing that may make things worse.

    My boys are 2 and 10 months old, i dont really want to die im sure of it, i love them dearly and couldnt live without them, i just really want things to get better and easier so i can just focus on me and them and my husband.

    thanks again.
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It is very good you can talk to your husband. That in itself makes a very big difference. I bet your little boys are absolutely darling. :)
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