Im falling apart....pls help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by jenj, Oct 6, 2009.

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  1. jenj

    jenj Member

    i've reached the point of giving up, i want to die, i have had enough of living like this, i am causing terrible pain to my husband and children, being this way but i have tried and i just cant stop it. i have written a letter for my boys and husband and now im ready but im scared i want things to go back to the way they were but i cant live like this. i love them all so so much but i think they will be better off if i die and stop being a burden to them, im so anxious and paranoid and depressed and i cant stop crying im at home alone with my boys, my husband will be back soon and i want to take some pills before he gets back so i can give them all a kiss and go off for a sleep, i just want to tell them i love them first i dont know what to do and im losing it.
     
  2. planechaser

    planechaser Well-Known Member

    i think it would hurt your boys even more without you in their lives..have you tried speaking with your husband and having a heart to heart with him? just hold on...tomorrow may be a better day
     
  3. History

    History Well-Known Member


    I felt exactly like you for the past 6 months until just a few days ago. I also could not go on like this. Everyday is a torture. How could I live on like this? I can't snap out of it and I can't go on living feeling like this. How long more could I go on? I really need to end it all. All those suicidal urges and feelings, they don't go away. Everyday, I feel the same thing. and tried so many meds and none worked at all. All made me feel like a zombie or very stoned or simply gave me a weird unbearable feeling. Hopeless and can't see any way out. There is no solution at all and all I want is to die.



    Then after 6 months of trying various anti-depressants, my doc prescribed me Effexor and the very next day, my thoughts changed, the horrible lousy way I feel was gone and my suicidal urges disappeared. I dont feel stoned / Zombie-like at all and it's as if my depression lifted.

    What I'm trying to put forth here is to see a doc and keep trying various meds until one works for you. I for one, never believed that there were any chemical changes in my brain because my depression is caused by real life circumstances which I have lost total hope in and cannot solve. But little did I know that chemical imbalance did occur in my brain making me feel absolutely horrible and suicidal and my thoughts automatically became extremely negative. With so many anti-depressants failing to work at all for me, I believed that I was treatment resistant and strongly felt that anti-depressants do not solve real life problems. You must see a doc.
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It would hurt your boys if you leave them this way. They would blame themselves, they would never understand. My daughters were 9 and 13 when I tried to kill myself. It was very devastating to them and it has taken us a long time to work it through.

    Please stay, post here, and we'll be here for you.

    :hug:
     
  5. jenj

    jenj Member

    thankyou all. Im feeling okay again now, my husband came home i told him what i was going to do, we had a talk then i went and had a sleep. Its great to have peoples support.

    History- i am on effexor now, 300mgs, they work, its the other stuff that makes me feel terrible, strong sleeping tablets and strong mood stabilisers, i want too see abour having them reduced but am scared doing that may make things worse.

    My boys are 2 and 10 months old, i dont really want to die im sure of it, i love them dearly and couldnt live without them, i just really want things to get better and easier so i can just focus on me and them and my husband.

    thanks again.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It is very good you can talk to your husband. That in itself makes a very big difference. I bet your little boys are absolutely darling. :)
     
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