I'm falling apart

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sparrow91, May 29, 2014.

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  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I've been wandering the forums for about an hour. My anxiety is driving me nuts. I'm stressed beyond my point. I'm ready to just break flesh again and say fuck it. I can't handle this shit no more. I'm at my breaking point. I just want to scream. It's this feeling of pressure building and building inside of me like a tower and I'm just trying to keep the tower balanced but it's getting too tall and my arms can't reach the top so it starts to tip and pieces start falling and I'm just trying to control it keep it up and I just can't there's too many pieces that are falling and I can't pick them up without the whole tower falling down. I need to release it, I need to cut and I'm trying so hard, so fucking hard. I'm not crazy in just stressed and I'm falling apart ....I want be less alone right now and no ones here to talk, tonight's going to be horrible...
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2014
  2. Caminho - lunar

    Caminho - lunar Active Member

    I'm really sorry that you feel so bad and I hope that you manage to overcome that anxiety and not hurt yourself and find someone to talk to.
    Recently I understood that when I bite myself I'm directing my anger to the wrong person so, when that urge comes, I've been trying to imagine myself bitting the persons who hurted me so deeply. And guess what, sometimes it does work. I don't know if you've already tried it or even if it will work for you but thought it's another way to deal with all that horrible thoughts.
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for that advice but my frustrations are not toward a person but things at the moment. It's more like life. I really appreciate your response... I'm still hanging in there btw.
  4. mandy

    mandy Well-Known Member

    Well you must scream then whatever you feel like will help honestly. You need to do things you enjoy until you are in a right frame of mind; and then you can deal with the problems in life. And if you're just worried about things you can't change, you must realize that all that does is (evidently) drive you mad and cause self harm urges. You have to think about the negative affects of self harm . Every time I wanna cut I just remind myself . People already stare at me for my scars, and those are only the visible ones, if I'm in a relationship I don't want to be ashamed during romantic times. Also you have to remember that it doesn't actually solve anything. Okay yippee so you feel better for a little bit. Now you're left with secrets and scars. I'm already ashamed of my body and now I have scars too. You'll hate yourself for it eventually. But you can't cut. Because you have to recover. So that when you are asked instead of saying you are struggling with self harm you will be able to say you beat self harm. So, my advice is just think about all the negative aspects of it, and then practice self care instead. Good luck , and stay strong <3 :)
  5. Sick of it all

    Sick of it all New Member

    Re: I'm falling apart

    Hello there I can definitely affiliate with some of what you are going through. I am kept awake sometimes at nights & in the hours before dawn
    by the torment of high anxiety { disorder } panic attacks & stressed to no end at times.
    I don't go to self harm though, but suicidal thoughts are often with me. And if it wasn't for my precious fur child { dog } I might not be here. My partner has suicidal thoughts too at times.
    We are going through some tough stuff from our various circumstances. It's a heavy burden to carry. { And just yesterday I was attacked by wrong accusations from my { bastard }
    solicitor in his reply to one of my courteous letters about adjustments/clarifications needed with his bill. He is arrogant, abrupt & unfair at times, so typical of many legal people,
    but this is not acceptable. I fought back as I do & have every right to as any person does }.
    And early this morning where I am as soon as I woke it all came flooding back the problems, the legal crap I have to deal with, the tail end of it all, but it drags out so long.

    Too much for any person to handle let alone one who has depression & anxiety disorder. I really understand what you mean about the pressure building & keeping the tower balanced.

    I know how it feels to feel like ones falling apart. I hope for you that you can turn your focus from things that spur on anxiety, stress & pressure building inside to something
    that will help calm you, something that will make you feel good. I try to remember at high stress/anxiety times the good things, blessings I have,
    that I am luckier than some in my circumstances & in life.
    This helps me at times to have some calm. I also try to regulate my breathing { I'm asthmatic } & when opportunities arise go for a pleasant walk with or without someone else,
    just to have some joy & appreciate the natural blessings in life & try to enjoy the scenery along the way or at a local park.
    I am so glad I can practice in visual arts, creating art helps keep me sane these days, gives me therapy & more.

    Being creative is so rewarding & truly is therapeutic food & love for the soul. I am also thankful for sites like suicidal forum & others to help people reach out in need.

    Have you tried to do something else instead when you want to cut yourself or do self harm tried kicking something { material object } & releasing venting the pressure, stress this way.
    I know when I get angry enough, stressed enough about a lot of stuff/pressures/negative crap I have to deal with.
    I just have to sometimes vent it like this or throw some material object down a hallway,
    trying not to damage something I value. I know this sometimes works for me in venting some of my built up anxiety, anger, sick of it all feelings etc. Hope you'll be okay...:redface-new:
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