I'm falling over...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Tam, Oct 22, 2009.

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  1. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Seemed to be doing ok, holding things together, even starting to sort some things out. Now I've tripped, falled over, sitting in a heap on the floor wondering what the fuck happened.

    I'd normally put something like this in MD but right now I could do with a bit of reassurance :sad:

    I go along thinking I'm helping people, and on the whole I think maybe I am, but there's a vicious voice in my head gets the uper hand sometimes, and when it takes over I can't see straight, can't think clearly, can't sort out reality from my own fears. I'm getting lost inside my own head and that's a bad place to be. Feeling worthless, cowed, defeated, paranoid. When I go like that all Iwant to do is run away and hide, but that's just feeding the fear so I'm writing here instead.

    Suppose there's nothing anyone can do really to undo it, so maybe it'd help if I could ask this instead: anyone else had an experience where you thought you were really helping, only to find you'd cocked up big time,and the more you go over it the more you feel waht an arrogant and selfish piece of work you are?

    And asking that makes me feel even worse, that it's so trivial, so unimportant. But I'm leaving this up anyway, have to do it.
     
  2. Brucer

    Brucer Member

    Do not feel that way about youself I get lost all the time you are here correct ? Life sucks its hard and we try to get along best we can I am paranoid most of the time. How can you think you have helped know one when you speak of doing just that and maybe you were not the one that cocked up. That my friend is a new word for me I am from Maine and I have not heard that buty I understand what you are saying. I work with a girl who once said that she feels like going to a corner in a room and just sit there and rock back and forth because she was having a bad day it was kinda of funny but you get my meaning. Just do your best in life :mortd:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey you are very helpful here and yes i do have self doubt paranoid at times and feel worthless stupid all thought things but they are voices from the past
    Have to remember who we are now not from back there I am glad you posted to get the confusion out of your head so we can tell you differently. You are important useful caring compassionate and i hope you can pick yourself up now and know the confusion in your head is just that listen to us okay we know better.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Tam, been there, done it, still doing it and looking for the damn tshirt!!! It's who we are hun. We want to help sooooo much but then we see a post or a thread and down we fall. Autimatically taking all the blame and Hell most of the time it isnt even about us. But I think because we cant seem to help ourselves that helping others gives us a "purpose". And when we think that are efforts are in vain, we fall hard.

    Dont know maybe doesnt make a lick of sense but somewhere in my twisted thinking it does. So when we get to the point that you are now, you reach out. Just like you're doing now. If nothing else, read some of the many many posts of help and advice you've offered. Read the replies where other members say thanks or wow. Read the replies to your own threads and really see the support and friendship you have found here. Tam you've been a great source of strength to many. So please dont let one disappointment (as you see it) take over and away from all the accomplishments or compliments. You are a wonderful caring person that through your own experiences are helping others through theirs. :hugtackles:
     
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, you three. I really appreciate the supportive words, goes a fair was to shutting up the vicious voice (for a while :laugh:)
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Tam,
    You have been very helpfull to so many here at the forum.. Don't let the voice convince you that your not..Have you talked to your doctor about this?? I was diagnosed with a mild form of skyzophrenia and the med they put me on has made that voice go away..That doesn't mean you skyzo but you could have some of the symptoms..Talk to your doctor about it..
     
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Awwww Tam! You've been so incredibly supportive here. Yes, sometimes I think I've gone too far with it...but eventually you will be convinced that the help you offer comes from your heart...it's real. Doubt yourself no longer!!

    Mike
     
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Tam, I have enjoyed your posts very much. I feel very connected with you.

    I do the same, I help out when I can and sometimes I panic afterward. I think it is because I'm vulnerable in that way. I've had people snap at me when I've been helpful so it's a fear in the back of my mind that it can happen again.

    My late mother in law was very hard on the family. When any of us tried to be helpful she would start accusing us of whatever. I finally learned that was her problem and it was not me. It still hurts, because she was vicious.

    I've decided she is not going to steal my helpfulness away from me. It's a part of me that I like and I'm going to fight for the me that I like. As time goes on, it has become easier to be helpful but there are times that the feeling that I've messed up comes right back.

    Thanks for posting your need here. It's the confirmation from others that we need because we're social beings. I hope you feel better.

    :hug:
     
  9. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey hey Tam! Busy as I am, there's no way I'm leaving without at least throwing in my own words to cheer you up lol!

    I know how you feel, I've felt like that some time ago when I thought I wasn't cappable of helping depressed people for being depressed myself. In the end, the answer is always YES WE ARE! We all know how it hurts, we all know the feeling ourselves, that makes us some of the best people to help others feeling like that, sometimes even better than professionals who sometimes tend to be too busy or too uninterested to really provide help.

    There is no such thing as uninterest or lack of will to us here in SF and other forums. Our desire to help comes from the heart, not the paycheck or anything. That alone makes any help we provide very likely to be helpful because if anything, feeling how others care about us and are willing to listen to us in exchange for nothing at all is help enough for depressed people.

    Of course, just like the best doctor in the world (Gregory House?) can lose a patient from time to time, even the best advicer here in SF can sometimes provide not the best advice. We're all humans, it's natural, but that also why we're many. Even if you're wrong this once, others will be there to correct your mistake, and on another ocassion the roles might be reversed. So if that feeling that took over you was caused by feeling you gave wrong advice, don't feel you're unworthy of giving advice. We're all humans and sometimes we don't see things thru the right angle. If anything, tell the person in question you're sorry and after thinking back, you realised your solution may not be the best.

    And if it serves to cheer you up, know that you truly helped me and still do, and I hope I can do that now, cause I wanna star repaying that :hugtackles:

    Take care Tam, you're loved and needed here :smile:

    (and now I'm back to study lol)
     
  10. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much, all of you. You've really made me feel ok again (even if it's only for tonight lol). Can't begin to say how much I appreciate it! :thanks: :thanks: :thanks:
     
  11. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    glad your feeling better. :) sorry i didnt post in this thread
     
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