Today is my first day with SF. I'm here as my last resort. All other avenues have been exhausted. I don't have the energy to go on beyond this place. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm not insane. I'm 33 years old and well-educated. My parents are dead, no family to speak of. I got out of an eight-year relationship that was at times abusive, tumultuous, and rocky about eight months ago. I lost my car, among other pointless worldly possessions, but he was my first love, so I left a huge chunk of my heart and soul behind as well. I miss the good times with him, hearing the tone in his voice when he told me he loved me, and the way the beginning seemed so exciting and new. I thought to myself, "This is it. I have found my soul's companion, and I will spend a beautiful forever with him". He cheated on me, verbally abused me, and in one case when blackout drunk, tried to kill me. I escaped this past summer, but a part of me died with that beautiful forever I had planned for us. Getting back on my feet has been tough. I lost a lot of friends during the course of that relationship, friendships I can't get back. I h ave exactly two people that call me, sometimes come over to visit, and I hear from no one else. My calls and texts go unanswered. A bunch of people have no issue leaving messages on FaceBook but when the time comes, they all of a sudden have no time to see me. I held a temporary job and have not been able to find another one since it ended in December. I am wearing out my welcome fast with the person I am currently sharing an apartment with. Finding a job has been so difficult. I have interviewed myself to exhaustion, and hear great things about my skill level but am time and time again turned down due to being "overqualified". This overqualification is going to land me homeless on the streets. I have major depressive disorder. I have been depressed since before puberty. I have fought this illness my entire life, with medications, therapists, psychologists/psychiatrists, research drug trials, alternative medicines, clean eating, and meditation. Nothing has worked. Today, since I have no job I have no insurance and have been turned away numerous times by free clinics. On top of the depression, I suffer from suicidal ideation, social anxiety, and unrelatedly, lupus. I am tired all of the time. I cry all of the time. I am in pain all of the time. I'm sick of feeling alone and scared to wake up every morning. I'm tired of not mattering to anyone, or to myself. I don't matter to anyone. I don't know what is keeping me alive now. My life is going nowhere positive or happy. I don't even have anyone to come to my funeral should I die. I live the loneliest existence. I'm not sure that anyone can say anything here that I haven't heard 10,000 times before. But here I am. Today is my first day with SF. I'm here as my last resort.