I apologise for the e-hospital thread, I was in a bad state. It's okay. I tend to make a big fuss of things *smiles bravely* I'll tell you what happened. Two people here told me off for editing people's poems. They were right to do that, I made a public apology and I'm going to add to it. So I called one of them 'very strange' and the other said all those malicious things I mentioned earlier about me in the e-hospital thread. They also said they wouldn't say sorry and were standing by their words. You guys know me, I'm not a horrible person. But it was understandable they got upset. I just keep thinking 'Maybe everyone thinks this about me'. And it fills me with anxiety. Friends - you really need to try a bit harder to acknowledge my pain and stand by me. A friend in need is a friend indeed. But it's okay, we're all different! *hug* I'm not losing my mind. I am able to function in life and communicate with my family and friends. But I am getting sicker as the Multiple Chemical Sensitivity progresses, and it affects my behaviour online, and I lash out a little bit, I mean I'm not violent I try to be careful but I have terrible mood swings. I also get very insecure and I needs lots of affection and I get a bit critical when people don't give hugs and smiles all the time and check up on me (aww...) I think maybe they are upset at me, and I'm sorry I get jealous XD. I'm a drama queen. Try not to take it to heart. But when I make mistakes I try to go in the opposite direction and be as loving as I can. But it's hard for people to forgive. But I keep saying I am very sick. It's so hard to watch. But you can see I am sort of doing okay, I performed a beautiful song for Bubblin girl! ^__^ She loved it. *hugs honey* I'm misunderstood. It hurts. If I was arrogant, would I give my love so freely? I did not intend to put anyone down when I edited the poems of others, I was trying to honour their poem and guide them like teacher. In jazz music, different instruments add to each other, that's really all I was trying to do, I mean come on guys, it's art, if a guitar player is making mistakes, shouldn't someone correct him? You might say "They're not mistakes, all art is equal" I know that, I never said my version was better, I said that their version was wonderful, but that if they added better timing it would be more enjoyable. My intention was not to put anyone down, it was merely to add on to the art, others were free to add onto mine, what's the harm of adding something to a piece of art? But I understand that some people take offence and aren't so jazz oriented, so I have stopped doing that and I apologise for causing any problems. Wanting the girls to fall in love with me - honestly guys, I've got a very soft heart, I'm a girl's guy, and it's all light-hearted, I mean have I ever said "I want to have sex with you' or 'I am in love with you' or 'you're hot'? Even jokingly? Whenever I comment on a girl's appearance, it's always in good taste. I am sweet to all. With missiontohell - Sammakko paired us up in Truth or dare, she e-kisses me light-heartedly With Bubblin' girl - She thinks she's ugly and horrible, I was trying to lift her self-esteem, we lift each other up, she told me explicitly I am so much help to her. With Kate/NoGood - I have NEVER thought of her romantically. I never would. I adore her. I love you Kate <3 . With Sammakko - She's a bitter creature and I was trying to melt her hate, I met her in Truth or dare and saw the good in her, and since then I've been trying to make her laugh lightly at herself. I also had a disagreement with the same first person about Sammako, they couldn't understand the light-heartedness for some unknown reason. And the second person couldn't understand any of my behaviour obviously. Major personality clashes! That's really all it was. With Tam - It's all light-hearted, Tam was one of the first who was kind to me, they've been kind all along Friends, you need to try harder to be as nice as me in my good times, coz I often feel lonely and no-one is there, but it's okay coz everyone has their share of problems. *hug* Plus if someone is really vicious, they are obviously not as sensitised as me to pain and shock. If someone puts Re: I get really scared. It's better they be creative and make up a header . Also, many threads scare me so I don't read them, I say that sometimes. The person also said it was all about me, but God...I want to help others so much! And I have. When missiontohell was goin' down, I told several people to try and comfort her. I care about you Dana. I care about you all and I want to say thank-you to all who have been kind to me at any point. You are all my stars. I went to the toilet (I was constipated) and I ate and drank and had a shower and I'm feelin' a bit better XD. Here's a poem, it was one of curses, but I transformed it. Words that heal Bless you God and bless your towns Bless your people, bless their frowns Bless the children when they cry Bless the tears fall' from their eyes Bless the darkness, bless the pain Bless the light, I curse in vain Heal the torture in 'The Bay' Fix the horrors that betray Black is cold and cold is night Night is dreams and dreams are fright Fright is endless like the stars Stars that sing 'Between the bars' Take these nightmares, take my pride Mend my dreams and let them guide Call the ravens from the Hells Watch as they ring the Peace Bell Cry for me but love my joy Forgive the words when they annoy Bring your Kingdom, on my knees Hold me Lord, naught left but these. My brother has just got his old job back (they would LOVE him to come back), and I received a message from World Vision about the child I'm sponsoring! Things are going to be just fine, I just really needed to let you know a few things guys and vent. Thank-you so much! I'm feelin' better.