I'm feeling guilty

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Hurted, Mar 12, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I have to cut... i just have...
    I deserve pain... And i dont feel guilty becausse of depression, but i have thru reasons... i cant beleive that i didnt relealise before how much i hurt her in 17 years...
    I have to punish myself...
    Im sorry to post here, but it just help me to get it out...
     
  2. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Don't be sorry to post:smile:
    Who are you hurting?
     
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Well my mother... we argue so much...
    The urge has gone and i didnt cut, but i cant say that i can be proud of it...
    I take razor, but something said to me dont do it... its probally subconcious...
     
  4. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    You should be proud you didn't cut:smile:
    Continue on this road:wink:

    Why are you saying that about you and your mom?
    Does she know about you cutting?
     
  5. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    She find out, soon after i told her about depression...
    She think that i stop one month ago, which of course is not true, because last time i cut was 10th...

    I still have it on my mind, i want to cut... not because of pain and sadness, im pretty OK right now, but i just want to feel pain and bleeding makes me so calm...

    I hope that i will manage not to do it... It depends on my subconcious:wink:
    In last 2 days, i almost cut myself 3 times, but change mind in last second...
     
  6. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    That good you changed your mind!

    What did she tell you about your depression? Did she offered you her help?
    Maybe you should tell her you started again.
     
  7. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    She ofer me help everyday, but mostly i say that there is nothing wrong... I dont want to hurt her even more...
    About SH... there is no way that i would tell her...
    Thank you for your kind help:hug:
     
  8. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Maybe you should accept her proposition.
    If you cut, there must be something that makes you suffer (does matter what it is in comparison with other, a sufferance is a sufferance).
     
  9. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Well I do accept some help... But i cant tell her why i am depressed... i dont know...

    I just hate that urges... Right now i will take shower, and am thinking for about a hour if i should take razor with myself...
    The pathetic think is that i even dont feel so sad, just so dead...
     
  10. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Don't take the razor, please...

    You don't have to justify your depression, maybe just talking about it can be good.
     
  11. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I didnt:)
    I just found a great way to cope, it takes urge away in second:)
    I will open thread about it:)

    And how are you honey?:)
     
  12. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Fuck it:sad:
    I just cut myself few minutes ago... And rignt now i binge eat...:(
     
  13. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Sorry for you Hurted:hug:
    At least you last 3 days without cutting. You'll last longer next time:wink:

    And thank you to ask, I'm okey for now.
     
  14. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Edited...
    Nevermind
    I am too pessimistic...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2008
  15. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    What did you want to say?
     
  16. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Well... that right now i dont care about cutting, cause i am very suicidal today... But i dont want to take away hope from some people on here... i shouldnt post this:(
     
  17. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    No, you can say what you think.
    But you should not take the razor again today if you're feeling this way...
    Please, call a good friend or do something with your mom that can distract you from those feelings. Do anything but not that:hug::hug:
     
  18. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Too late... I cut myself during showering...
    I will try to stop tommorow, maybe i will have more luck...
    And thanks for your kind words, i can kinda feel how good person you are:smile:
     
  19. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Thank you Hurted.
    I know what you can feel but I assure you it can go away, so don't do a mistake...
     
  20. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I know that im strong enough to stop, i already did harder things (like loosing huge amount of weight)... But right i just dont have motivation... for nothing...
    Too bad that there dont exist pills for motivation...
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.