I'm feeling hopeless and worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by adamO, Jun 22, 2012.

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  1. adamO

    adamO New Member

    Where do I start? well I wont get into my childhood cause it's something I wish to forget, needless to say it was traumatizing. I had to put up with abuse of all descriptions, but where I am at now is what I would like to share. I am 33 years old, I have never had a legitimate job ever, the longest I was employed was 2 years working for a guy that made counterfeit pornographic DVDs. I am an alcoholic, I drink everyday, I am on unemployment benefits, every cent the government gives me I drink away.

    It has got to the stage I am drinking nearly 2 bottles of vodka a day, that's the only 8 hours I am awake. I sleep for 16 hours because I feel there is no reason for me to even get out of bed. It's punishing, I wish it would all end. I sometimes feel like killing myself, but my doctor said I am anyway. I am killing myself with alcohol, my doctor said my liver is enlarged and if I keep going I will die of liver failure.

    I kind of welcome this! 8it has got to a point where I want to die, but one thing that keeps me hanging on is my mum! I live with my mum and I love her and hate her sometimes but she has always been there for me for support. I know if I died it would kill her, I have had 7 nervous breakdowns, I have been in and out of rehab facilities and psychiatric hospitals for years on end! it feels like one massive nightmare! I want to wake up from it.

    If my life is a nightmare surely dying might give me some peace!
     
  2. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry you had such a shitty life. Maybe you can wake up from this nightmare- start by getting sober. im not far from where you are. Im six years behind and the longest employment ive held was under a year.
     
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