I'm feeling it again....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Maaso, Apr 15, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I had a failed attempt not too long ago, and since then I have been feeling decent.

    But today(or yesterday, dont know what time it is where you are) would have been our anniversary. I was filling out a job application and I noticed the date, I almost broke down right there in the waiting room. I couldnt finish the app, I left it unfinished and went to my truck. I pratically broke down when I got to my truck, I leaned into my steering wheel and cried for about an hour. I cant get a job, bills are piling up, I'm so depressed and lonely, knowing that my ex is somewhere happy with out me, is it selfish to not be happy knowing that shes happy...?

    I have dreams about her, I wake up almost in tears and just lie in bed the better part of the day and accomplish nothing. I got a lady friend, who just broke up with her boyfriend, and shes pissed because I'm not there for her...when I cant even be there for myself over my break up.

    Thinks are just getting worse all over again...

    I know that suicide is just a permanent answer to a temporary problem, as they say. But I'm starting to think that these feelings are permanent.

    I got ~$60k worth of tools and firearms, and a ~$30k truck to leave to my family, I think they would be more comfortable with out me.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    The feelings you're having aren't selfish. It's hard to be happy for someone else when you're sad about a breakup and miss that person.

    These feelings won't last forever. Time does heal things. But I know it hurts, and when you're going through it, it feels like it will never go away.

    Hang in there; your family wouldn't be better off without you. I'm around a lot, so PM me if you ever want to talk.
  3. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i am so sorry for this difficult time you are going through.

    losing someone we love, can nearly crush us. the pain makes it seem like there will never be a light ahead, no hope, and no way to find love again.

    but this pain is not permanent. death, however, is. it is so positive that you reached out here - it shows that you do want to make it through. you don't want to die, as much as you just want to get rid of this pain.

    here we understand those feelings and your desperation - i hope you lean on us and allow us to help you be strong until you reach a better place. pm me if you want to talk - i care what happens to you honey. :console:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree you are going thru the greif stage.. It will subside eventually..Don't blame yourself for this breakup. It takes two to make or break it..You need to look out for #1 right now..Your other friend, just sit her down and talk to her.. Let her know how damaged you feel and you are working on regaining yourself..Hopefully if she cares about you she will give you time..Take Care!!
  5. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling better today, I have a small zoo of retiles that I care for. And my Anoles have been breeding, I found a small egg while cleaning their home this morning, I want to be here for the baby(s) if they survive without their dad eating them.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Glad you're feeling better!!! :) I had to look up Anoles on Google; I never even heard of them. But I hope they survive!!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.