I'm feeling suicidal today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Dec 12, 2011.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I haven't felt suicidal for months, but I've got that feeling today. It's not like I plan to do anything today, but I feel like I'm better off dead. Hopefully it's a one day thing, I really don't want to go back to feeling the way I did before. Everything seems so hopeless. The two (or kinda 3) things I want most in my life, getting married and have kids and getting a good job, will probably never happen. I'm not the kind of person anyone would want to marry, I'm ugly, shy, needy and way too fucked in my head. I have a bachelordegree in computer science and in may I'll have one in business administration too, but I can't get a job anywhere. There must be something wrong with me. Thinking too much about those things has made me suicidal today. I know it's just silly things, but it matters to me.
  2. Sadspirit

    Sadspirit Member

    Oh Rukia...I understand too well. I want so badly to have a good man in my life, but I took in a homeless, alcoholic, mentally ill drug addict 20 years ago and have been babysitting ever since. I had a head injury at the time, but still...why? I've never even had a date. Anyway...I've always been scared of life and quit everything I ever tried. Made it through 2 years of college and quit cuz I was scared to give an oral report. Sigh. Thinking about what I wanted for myself in this life, and the fact that I blew it and will never have friends, a good man, a career I love...these are what make me suicidal. So I understand what you are feeling, and my heart goes out to you. I hope that your feelings do not intensify. And there are no silly things...what is important to you is not silly at all. Everything you mention is painful and real and important.
  3. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Rukia, Sadspirit - Please know that I care, and you are both important to me, as well as the many here at SF.

    This is a great place to meet people, make friends, receive support and encouragement.

    I'm glad you are both here.

    Please stick around and keep posting.
  4. foolnomore

    foolnomore Well-Known Member

    Rukia ,I am sorry you are feeling so bad,I've been there but when things seem hopeless often something unexpected pops up to give us hope again. I can't say if you will ever get the things you want but sometimes we get other things that we never dared dream of,good things. You will get a job ,it might take longer than you thought but these are bad times with too few jobs but eventually the job will come,it is not anything wrong with you it is the hard times the world is going through. Never give up on hope,keep fighting and you will make it.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Rukia, You have come along way to have a bachelors degree and another soon..Don't let the economy get you down..Have you considered applying out of state after you graduate?? It will take some time and hard work on your self..You need to increase your self esteem.. This will help you in interviews..No one here wants to loose you.. Your too important to our family.. Please don't do anything rash.. We care about you!!
  6. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here!!
  7. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    dont feel too bad RUKIA. You have a degree and will get another degree in May. This proves that you have great qualities. Then why feel down??? Think positive - you will get a job. You will marry and have children. Think positive please.
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