I haven't felt suicidal for months, but I've got that feeling today. It's not like I plan to do anything today, but I feel like I'm better off dead. Hopefully it's a one day thing, I really don't want to go back to feeling the way I did before. Everything seems so hopeless. The two (or kinda 3) things I want most in my life, getting married and have kids and getting a good job, will probably never happen. I'm not the kind of person anyone would want to marry, I'm ugly, shy, needy and way too fucked in my head. I have a bachelordegree in computer science and in may I'll have one in business administration too, but I can't get a job anywhere. There must be something wrong with me. Thinking too much about those things has made me suicidal today. I know it's just silly things, but it matters to me.