I don't know. I was doing well there for awhile, not happy. But not suicidally depressed either. But today, its back. My mum gave me the religion talk, telling me that I will go back to Jesus, and then I found out the love of my life has a date tonight. She is so beautiful, all dressed up walking around showing off and flaunting at me. I had a relapse the other night, spent all day yesterday in bed hungover. One of my animals are sick, I don't have the money to take her to a vet. She could die at any moment. I look at myself, my fat, scared, tattered, mangled shell of a body. My droll, glazed eyes. And I think back on my life, I've done things, terrible things, that never got to me until now. I deserve to die, and I don't deserve to even look at this girl. I've been debating whether or not to do something about how I feel about her, I would definitly have to kill myself if I did it. Maybe that is just what I need. I might not be around to tell you all good morning tomorrow.