I'm Finally Content

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by slfjlasf, Aug 25, 2010.

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  1. slfjlasf

    slfjlasf Account Closed

    I'm not going to post a sad story, no one wants to be bored with it.

    I'm not using my real name nor my real account, so I would like it if the people reading it didn't pry into my life.

    I am fully content to finally move on to the next world. My family and friends have always told me it would be hell, but the truth is...I'm not afraid. I'm so content, I've said all my goodbyes to the people who helped me.

    I've had a hard time growing up, I've always been stressed and depressed, it's funny because my family and friends always thought it to be video games and whatnot, I never bothered to tell them why.

    I am finally content to move on. I've gotten rid of any personal trails, wiped my hard drives, and done all that.

    I am ready to feel death's warm embrace. I've thought about it for ages, and I've been on this site for years seeing people worry and whatnot. I did some good in my life, I helped a few of them. :)

    I'm surprisingly not afraid of the pain, or the quest of what will happen when I close my eyes forever. I'm also not crying, which is hilarious because I've always been a crybaby. For the first time, I'm really content with a choice I made and know what I'm doing is right in the heart.

    My entire life I wanted happiness, I deserve it don't I? Since I was a kid I followed everything my family wanted. No one bothered to ask what I wanted in life, what I truly wanted.

    I know what awaits me at the end will be fire, I know there will be suffering, but I am content with it.

    I've lost all faith in God, yet I'm so very happy right now.

    I dunno why I'm even typing this...it just feels good to let some emotions out. I've been a failure my entire life, I have no luck, and the hilarity of it is I'll die a virgin in my 20s. Hey, maybe God would have mercy on me for at least never having sex. :p

    But yeah, I'm so very content right now. I have the entire thing planned out, and I won't have regrets.

    That's all I wanted to say, just words. Thanks for looking at them, please don't call the cops or track my IP address. I won't do it tonight anyway, but I know when I will, I'll do it peacefully.

    Thank you. :)
     
  2. william11373

    william11373 Member

    well, ultimately its up to you whether you do it or not. But why dont you live another day and atleast experience sex before you go.

    Go hire an escort, experience sex, maybe you will feel different afterward. In fact this might prevent you from suicide, you may have a reason to live !
     
  3. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    As requested, I won't pry. Ask why you're doing it, or beg you to stay here with us. Tell you to talk to God or just move on. You've been told what to do all your life, how insensitive would it be of me to continue that trend? But I have to ask, why would you want the marking moment of your life to be your suicide? Your end? It's like writing an epilogue and hailing it as a novel. Think about all of the things you want to experience-- they're not that far away, really. Sex at the very least is something to stick around to experience. I'm still waiting,and I'm not that much younger to you.

    There's also another point I have to make, but it's my last one. I won't take up much of your precious time. It's your hypocrisy and complete sense of confusion that makes me feel that you're in a blind contentment rather than a true one. You say that you lost your faith in God, but that you're going to burn in hell anyway, and that he might take mercy on you. You say you're not going to post a sad story, but you do anyway. Why post at all if you were really ready? I'm not challenging you, I completely respect what you're experiencing right now, but there's something inside of you doubting what you're doing and you're just refusing to listen to it.

    How about instead of perfecting your means for suicide, you start working the other direction? Rather than taking the path laid out for you by your friends and family, why not make your own? Whether you notice it or not, you're following someone else's directions even now. Claim yourself for everything that you are! There is a complex human living behind this calm demeanor with all the emotions and thoughts of an individual. Make yourself known! You deserve to share what you've been through, who you are, and to be appreciated for it.

    I'm not sure what else to say because I know what it feels like to be where you are right now. Well, my version of it anyway. The contentment, the resignation, all sounds eerily familiar. I got through it, forced myself to get away from the things I was going to use to kill myself and consequently collapsed on the floor. No kidding. It was difficult, I felt no need to get up, didn't understand why it felt so hard to continue living. Then I got up, cleaned my face, and walked away. I am hoping that you will do the same, because there's no questioning if you can or not.

    --ThinkingCap
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I 'm sad to read your post because I was there a month ago and understand your pain...
    I hope you change your mind and stay with us....
    Sending you a BIG *HUG*....
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Don't give up man. There's no guarantee that the next life will be better than the one you have right now. What if you are faced with the same problems that you are running from now? Also, I turn 30 next year and I'm still a virgin and I don't think there's anything wrong or wierd about that. :)
     
  6. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're feeling this way. Have you tried group therapy? It worked for me.
     
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