I'm finally home...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perfectly Imperfect, Jun 5, 2007.

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  1. So I'm finally home and a civilian once again. Now that I'm back home I feel a bit less stressed but feel like I'm being pressured to make a quick decision about my future (where I'm going to live, a job, college, etc.) and this is exactly what happened when I enlisted in the military and we see where that got me. I told my mom alot of things like I self-harm and I've overdosed and had thoughts of suicide. She worries about me constantly now and I feel stupid and guilty. I should have just kept it to myself. I still get the thoughts and the urges to cut and I have many more things at my disposal. I don't really have any intent or a plan at the moment but I find that I am very impulsive under these circumstances. I don't want to kill myself because I don't want family to find me but I don't know how long I will be able to resist the seemingly perfect solution of suicide. I feel like a complete failure and an embarassment to my family and friends and I feel so stupid and childish because of my actions. I've been hospitalized four times in the past two months and I find that pathetic. I can't even kill myself. I don't want to face people-I would much rather just avoid it and pretend nothing is wrong.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    First of all let me welcome you home Jacque. Many people have the same thoughts and issues you have. Telling a loved one is one of the most difficult things you can do. I am sure your mom is very worried about you. I know you wish you had never told, but it is good you did. Hiding it away and trying to forget about it just doesn't work. It may go away for awhile but it always comes back when you least expect it. Make sure you communicate with someone. It can be very helpful. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
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