So I'm finally home and a civilian once again. Now that I'm back home I feel a bit less stressed but feel like I'm being pressured to make a quick decision about my future (where I'm going to live, a job, college, etc.) and this is exactly what happened when I enlisted in the military and we see where that got me. I told my mom alot of things like I self-harm and I've overdosed and had thoughts of suicide. She worries about me constantly now and I feel stupid and guilty. I should have just kept it to myself. I still get the thoughts and the urges to cut and I have many more things at my disposal. I don't really have any intent or a plan at the moment but I find that I am very impulsive under these circumstances. I don't want to kill myself because I don't want family to find me but I don't know how long I will be able to resist the seemingly perfect solution of suicide. I feel like a complete failure and an embarassment to my family and friends and I feel so stupid and childish because of my actions. I've been hospitalized four times in the past two months and I find that pathetic. I can't even kill myself. I don't want to face people-I would much rather just avoid it and pretend nothing is wrong.