I was finally able to sleep for a few hours, but now I've woken up, and suddenly I started to just freak out.. I'm not sure if it's because pretty much the only person who I was talking to, to keep me sane, went offline. I feel paranoid and incredibly sick. It feels like my heart is beating on the outside of my body and my stomach moved up into my chest, and like I'm going to get sick but it's stuck. I'm shaking, dizzy, and just feel so incredibly awful, the worst I may have ever felt in my life. In a sense, I have a dependency on a man, I know I shouldn't, but I do. And so suddenly, he's done so much to hurt me. Going with a girl who wronged him so much, and even considered ending mine and his friendship. It's crushed me and left me feeling so so terrible.. But right now, he's told me he will not talk to me for a month, until I start to improve myself. And I feel like I will go insane if I don't talk to him. I'm so used to talking to him everyday for the past few years. Then he goes and does this, and it leaves me paranoid of what he will do with this girl. I know it's none of my business, but it really hurts considering he was someone I had such a deep bond with, an intimate relationship as well. I feel betrayed. I'm scared near to death of what might happen, I keep getting thoughts, missing the past me and him had, and now panicking over if him and this new girl will really be together. In a sense I feel as if I was psychologically and emotionally raped by this man. But I still want to be with him and talk to him. He has me unblocked so I can talk to him if I really need it, but what should I do? I want to be able to talk to him like we normally would. I don't want to go a month like this. I don't want to suffer. I have so many thoughts on my mind, I am giving myself a headache every few minutes. Deeply, I want to kill myself someway, or at least get into a deep sleep so I do not wake up for a long time. I don't know what to do. I do not want to feel this way, yet for the longest time I have not been able to get over it, and I still do not feel I ever will. Should I talk to him telling him how I feel? Will he even care? My parents are not being as supportive as I would hope, yelling at me to get over it as if I could do it with the snap of my fingers. I feel so alone and I want to take so many pills so I can go back to sleep, since with my thoughts racing, I doubt I would be able to be able to sleep on my own. I'm sorry if this isn't in the right place, and if I tend to type up really long things, but I'm just really freaking out and don't know who to talk to, I just need to get some way to maybe calm down or something..