Im fucked up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lauzon, Jun 21, 2008.

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  1. Lauzon

    Lauzon New Member

    It has been a real long time since I have posted. Since my overdose a couple years ago it took me a little while to get over it. I have been depressed for god knows how long and fell into drug addiction. Just started smoking some weed with friends in high school and then we started to do coke and lots of e. I joined army at 17 and then fucked that up bad with failing drug test ultimately leading to my dismissal. I ended up going to rehab for drug addiction after my suicide attempt and probably stayed sober honestly for like a year. Then I started working out to feel better about myself because i was so lonely. I started doing steroids and have found myself addicted to something new. Also i have been smoking lots of weed and doing coke again recently so i decided to go back to rehab. But two days back in detox i snapped on nurses over protein powder and then went to my room to pack to leave and this crack head tried to steal my new snickers. I punched him in the head possibly breaking my hand and lost it on the nurses almost getting arrested. So now i am banded from this detox rehabilitation centre and am just listening to music wondering what the fuck i am doing with myself.
     
  2. mittens

    mittens Active Member

    wasted a couple years as a meth junkie, did cocaine from time to time, wasnt really my thing (too short, and EXPENSIVE..and depressing).

    as far as the drug thing goes, roids are definatly terribad for you, as well as cocaine, however i know many successful people who smoke pot, myself included (minus the success)--god knows its better than drinking (hang over, depression, addiction, kills you).

    sounds like you've found a niche for the whole exercising thing, however as far as any sort of advice goes, you just have to want it. i know for me it was looking at myself in the mirror and seeing death. was down to 116lbs (im 6'2ish). lost my mind for a while, i cant tell the real from what i thought i saw even today.

    really helped me having somthing to do with my time i was passionate for, maybe explore other interests.
     
  3. mittens

    mittens Active Member

    Re: Im fucked

    (oh yeah, get away from your connections-i left state for three months)

    first 3 weeks are the worst, thats why i got away from it
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sounds like you recognize that it is time to stop again. would you be willing to find another rehab center, out of state perhaps? it can be hard to stop on your own. have you checked out NA or AA? they really helped me through those difficult first few months. i wasn't into the higher power stuff, but it so helped to know i wasn't alone in my day to day struggle. i pretty much went every day for the first 3 months. for 2 months i just listened until the rawness of being newly clean wore off.
    one door has closed for you. perhaps another will open?
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Quiting cold turkey is the roughist way to go. I know, because that is how I quit. It takes alot of determination and inner strength. I still miss smoking pot. They should legalise it. It is better for you than alcohol.
    The states can tax it so they can go after the hard drugs. Heroin,speed,coke,and a list of others.
    You really need to quit because of school. When your using it is hard to concentrate. All you are thinking about is when you will get a chance to do yourself up. Stay Strong...:chopper:
     
  6. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Can you get back to the body building without steroids? That exercise and determination to succeed goes a long way toward getting clean.
     
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