i'm fucking prat! *lang and poss trig*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Vikki .............. get a fucking grip you fucking idiot! This shouldn't be affecting you this much you prat. She wasn't that close! Just triggered myself twice. One by listening to a song and then seeing something on the news. Wanna cut. Go on Vikki do it. You know you want it. Your pathetic. Do it. Do it. DO IT!!!!! one more scar won't hurt. You've already fucked up both your legs in a few days so why stop now?! am in an odd mood. So much anger in me right now and i can't calm down. Feel like punching things. Smashing things. No way will i calm down. Walking up and down. Constantly moving. Can't stop. Working myself up. Not gonna calm down and the stupid thing is that i don't even know what I'm so bloody worked up over just know that i can't fucking calm down until i do something or take something to calm me down.

    I'm pissed and i mean I'm fucking pissed. I'm walking around with this haze in front of me. All i wanna do is let it out and the only way i can think of is to smash something up. Might take something to calm me down. Surely that will help. Got a pack of Prozac. Gonna take that.

    I don't fucking get how someone can be that fucked up. Like ...... how can u live with a family on and off for 23 years. Be seen as their foster son. Call them mum and dad and then fucking attack them for no fucking reason!! She'd beaten cancer 3 fucking times!!!! so strong to come through cancer once let alone 3 times!! she'd only got the all clear a few weeks ago. Starting to be able to enjoy life with out the added thought of her illness! and you take her life away from her?!?! What was going on in your head? to kill them both?? start on him. Thing is she tried to protect him eh? Then within seconds you take her life away from her. You take someones mother away. Someones wife. Sister. Grandmother. She would of done anything for that family! hell she would of done anything for anyone .... even YOU!! and thats how you repay her? All this over the girls?? look at it this way you fucking **** your being charged with murder and attempted murder. How the hell was that worth it? your facing a very long time in prison. What kind of a dad are you gonna be to them now? they got a murdering piece of scum as a father now. I hope your happy! their little kids!!! talking of kids ..... you knew FULL well Carla was living with them. Didn't stop you tho did it? I'm telling you now if she had walked in and saw that happening or heard anything or found them then i would of fucking killed you myself. What if she had walked in on you doing that? what would you of done? killed her? murdered a 14 year old girl just like you had just done to her nan and tried to do to her grandad? the women you called 'mum' had kids, one of which lives YARDS away!!! How the hell is she gonna cope? her mum was her life and you took that away from her! theres no way on this earth that shes gonna be able to walk past that house everyday. Live yards away from where you killed her mother! You've hurt everyone who knew that family. I'm still in shock and i think i will be for a very long time.

    I keep googling her name hoping it will make me accept it. Might upset in the process but its gonna help me in the long run. I know it. Keep looking at the pictures of her and him on the internet. Keep looking at that house. The picture of the house with the police tape.

    Meh i'm angry at a lot of things. Stuff about my dad. Brother. My life. That I'm a fucked up, failure, ugly motherfucker. That needs to fucking die and die soon. Won't mean shit to anyone if i was gone.
     
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Baby, sorry I didn't post earlier, but I was taking you out to cheer you up remember :bleh:
    I love you so fucking much honey, and I know that deep down you know that.
    You are none of the things you say you are..you are kind, funny, caring, loveable, sensitive..I could do on all day!!
    I don't know how you're feeling baby, but I can imagine, and I promise I will be here to help you every step of the way.
    Please stop feeling bad for not having accepted it yet, it's a big thing and it's going to take time.
    :hug: :hug: :wub: :hug: :hug: