I'm getting desperate fighting this downward spiral again, and again and again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by inkspring, Apr 26, 2009.

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  1. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    I'm getting tired of fighting this downward spiral again, and again and again...
    I'm in trouble right now spiraling down. I'm holding on but it scares me because there comes a point where I don't think clearly--I'm bipolar and it messes with my mind at times. When I'm terribly depressed there is nothing but the moment, no matter what anyone says or does. All reason ceases.

    So, folks, please forgive me if I come here and go on and on about me and my feelings. I really don't like being needy. I like to be a help to others but I can't right now--sorry. I'll keep coming back and maybe I won't make sense but writing and knowing you are out there will be my lifeline.

    I know thoughts of suicide are wrong. It's against everything I believe in--it's against my faith. It's not something I want to do. I don't want to hurt my husband or 3 grown sons. I'm bipolar and it's playing havoc with my moods, thoughts and is so mentally and emotionally painful when I get near to the bottom of a downward swing--seething depression.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. greyroses

    greyroses Well-Known Member

    I totally understand where you are coming from with the spiral. The best I can do is send love and encouragement. Take as much of it as you can.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Inkspring,

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch.
    I hope it will pass soon,your husband and sons need you xx
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum. Your first two paragraphs could have been written by me!

    But I have neither the family, nor the faith, to keep me going. I hope it does for you!!

    I've been going through the ups and downs of bi-polar disorder for about 30 years. There have been many different reasons as to why and how I've survived this long. The latest would be the people at this site. You can send me a private message any time and I will respond, but for now just try and work through it for your family.

    If I had the faith, I would have to say that this site was a miracle.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ....i am so sorry for your struggles.

    please don't apologize for being needy, or talking here about your troubles.

    that is why we are here - and - you can help others after YOU have received support. but right now you need to take care of yourself.

    your kids and husband need you to stay here. you will alter their lives forever, and they will never get over the pain. that is not to induce guilt, but it is to say that i hope you will lean on us, get support, and try to stay strong.

    i have kids. and my kids and s.f., are why i am here today. pm me if you want to talk. i know your struggle. i am not bi-polar, but i have wanted desperately, to die.
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