I'm getting tired of fighting this downward spiral again, and again and again... I'm in trouble right now spiraling down. I'm holding on but it scares me because there comes a point where I don't think clearly--I'm bipolar and it messes with my mind at times. When I'm terribly depressed there is nothing but the moment, no matter what anyone says or does. All reason ceases. So, folks, please forgive me if I come here and go on and on about me and my feelings. I really don't like being needy. I like to be a help to others but I can't right now--sorry. I'll keep coming back and maybe I won't make sense but writing and knowing you are out there will be my lifeline. I know thoughts of suicide are wrong. It's against everything I believe in--it's against my faith. It's not something I want to do. I don't want to hurt my husband or 3 grown sons. I'm bipolar and it's playing havoc with my moods, thoughts and is so mentally and emotionally painful when I get near to the bottom of a downward swing--seething depression. Thanks for listening.