Im getting really tired of this life....

[BLACKROSE66]

Im shaking while typing this. Just had dinner smiling and laughing. then rush to the room to wanting to cry ,yet the husbands walks in and asks that stupid question i hate... are you okay? smiling i say im fine because i break the news to him that i hate my life. People i have are great and all but im just not happy anymore. Hell i dont even know if i am or ever was honestly. Im just tired...so tired.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this Black Rose.

Do you want to say more about why you feel this way?

 

[BLACKROSE66]

I guess you can say, im going through a very hard path ,because of my mental health. Im a nurse and i suffered so much because of this. Being put into a program that i know is meant to help but causing me more problems, such as money and with my family cause "im fragile". im not allowed to do many things and it makes me feel trapped. Its like im limited on what i can and if i do the things i want its bad. My mind tells me i did this to myself. i messed my life up. I
cant keep going cause i just fall back and deeper and deeper into this whole and im so ashamed for it all..... i Want to cry scream hurt and much more but for the sake of others i cant and it literally EATS me alive .*blub

 

[may71]

im so ashamed for it all

I don't think you have any more reason to be ashamed of mental illness than you have to be ashamed of having a broken leg. I think it's something that could happen to anyone if they have enough stress.

i Want to cry scream hurt and much more but for the sake of others i cant

Maybe there's some place you could go where you can scream and yell as much as you want.

Hugs

 

[jxdama]

Hope things get better.

 

[BLACKROSE66]

I don’t know if they will get better...I’m tired of trying

 

[MosesY]

I feel your pain and identify with you. I do not believe my life will ever get better. I am 52 now, almost 53, and I figure at most I have 20 years left. That is a very short time. I make life worth living by finding small things that give me comfort. I love Dr Pepper, I drink some alcohol when I get home from work, I have one good friend, and I have a hobby. A hobby is perhaps the most necessary thing to finding pleasure in life. I am spiritual but not religious. I hope that you can find a few things that make life worth living. I wish I was there with you; you could cry on my shoulder and I would sympathize with you.

 

[Lane]

I feel your pain and identify with you. I do not believe my life will ever get better. I am 52 now, almost 53, and I figure at most I have 20 years left. That is a very short time. I make life worth living by finding small things that give me comfort. I love Dr Pepper, I drink some alcohol when I get home from work, I have one good friend, and I have a hobby. A hobby is perhaps the most necessary thing to finding pleasure in life. I am spiritual but not religious. I hope that you can find a few things that make life worth living. I wish I was there with you; you could cry on my shoulder and I would sympathize with you.

My life has become so routine. My friends have dwindled down so I spend a lot of time alone, children grown and 1 is estranged. I feel that solitude more than ever now. I want to make the next 20 or so years ok, but lately I feel depressed, not to hijack the thread.

I admire that you do your hobby @MosesY. I have the puzzles and a coloring book but haven't touched it in a year. I have to force myself out of bed on the weekends. I really dont think its healthy. Thanks for listening

 

[Przym]

Is there anything specific that concerns you? Or is it just kind of a generalized ennui? Both I can relate to.

 

[BLACKROSE66]

I feel your pain and identify with you. I do not believe my life will ever get better. I am 52 now, almost 53, and I figure at most I have 20 years left. That is a very short time. I make life worth living by finding small things that give me comfort. I love Dr Pepper, I drink some alcohol when I get home from work, I have one good friend, and I have a hobby. A hobby is perhaps the most necessary thing to finding pleasure in life. I am spiritual but not religious. I hope that you can find a few things that make life worth living. I wish I was there with you; you could cry on my shoulder and I would sympathize with you.

Thank you and I try to find those comfort things and even people but they tend to leave or end. I’m glad your doing well though.

 

[BLACKROSE66]

Is there anything specific that concerns you? Or is it just kind of a generalized ennui? Both I can relate to.

there’s alot of reasons why but it’s hard to explain at times because even to me it doesn’t make sense

 

[Przym]

there’s alot of reasons why but it’s hard to explain at times because even to me it doesn’t make sense

I see. Well, if you need anyone to rant to, I'm here to listen.

 

[ib4uib]

I guess you can say, im going through a very hard path ,because of my mental health. Im a nurse and i suffered so much because of this. Being put into a program that i know is meant to help but causing me more problems, such as money and with my family cause "im fragile". im not allowed to do many things and it makes me feel trapped. Its like im limited on what i can and if i do the things i want its bad. My mind tells me i did this to myself. i messed my life up. I
cant keep going cause i just fall back and deeper and deeper into this whole and im so ashamed for it all..... i Want to cry scream hurt and much more but for the sake of others i cant and it literally EATS me alive .*blub

Makes a lot of sense, now you just need to read it back and absorb it...

You know like I know the mental health system is all wrong. It's run by a lot of people who have no idea about mental health whatsoever, It's a job for them which brings in a lot of money, toppled with all the drugs it's worth a fortune!

And you know it's all wrong because I will guess that you have good ideas of how to help people, but as soon as you mention it to anybody in charge you're shot down straight away.
So understanding that is the first port of call, the second port of call is finding a job where you can have more input, that will mean finding a clinic or such which is private, they run completely differently to state/national hospitals etc. Or you could set yourself up as a therapist and run the whole show your own way.

Whatever you do though, understand you are not at fault, it's the system that is at fault. Feelings of wanting to Scream, shout, cry are all based around your voice being imprisoned within you. Time to change gears!